By Mirrorman - 20 Jun 12 9:03 PM
It's been years now with close to no change in my circumstances, I feel this will continue on until I die. Do I deserve this life? According to the majority of the people, yes I do and worse.
I live in constant fear, constant anxiety, constant depression. I have no outlets. Any time I might feel a slight bit better something will send me right back down, a news article, a police visit, etc... I cannot grasp the logic in how I or anyone else in this position is treated, especially by the police.
What got me into this mess was being socially isolated sitting at a computer all day and now that is where I'll stay for the next however many years. How do people even cope? How many people are convicted daily yet there is no one to talk to? This forum is practically dead.
I would jump on what some suggest that I be placed on a island, at least I'd have some type of life.
Does anyone have any experience with self admitting to a mental health unit?
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By The Pineapple Thief - 3 Feb 15 2:54 PM
Hi Mirrorman
You pose a difficult situation that isn't easy to answer. I think I can empathise a little as from arrest to conviction and sometime after was probably the lowest point of my life. I was very fortunate in that even leading up to sentencing I was applying for jobs and getting used to disclosing even though I didn't realise I didn't have to unless asked. I wasn't getting many interviews and knew that the conviction wasn't going to help matters however I told myself I had to soldier on.
I had found out who my true friends were and although I don't keep in touch often, I know they are there if I need them. Post conviction I was fortunate to have good support from my probation worker and to be honest, I'll be a little disappoiinted not to be able to sound off to her when my order finishes in a few months.
Sitting in front of a screen sending my CV to all and sundry got very tedious indeed so I tried to go out for walks etc to clear my head. I occasionally went up to London to try employment agencies for work.
Eventually it paid off and I know do the quite mundane job of listing items on Ebay for a scrapyard. Although it sounds boring, it is a completely different world and the pay is enough to cover the bills so I'm a lot happier. Bloody long hours though hence why I've not been on here a lot.
I must admit the other thing that brought me out of my low point was the opportunity of volunteering with Unlock which taught me loads and was one of the most enjoyable things I could've done. It also looks good on my CV although it does highlight that yes, I may have a conviction - I never worry about it until I have an interview.
That's how I coped and I understand my story may be different to yours however never give up, I'm sure everyone on this forum will urge you to carry on and not to let the illegitimate offspring grind you down. We believe in you and we hope that you can believe in you too.
Finally, talk to your GP and ask to be referred for counselling or mental health - they are best qualified to advise.
I haven't stolen any Pineapples, but they are a great prog rock band!
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By Deb S - 16 Sep 11 1:36 PM
Hi Mirrorman
sorry to hear that you're feeling so low at the moment. We've all been there to various degree's and for many, because depression is a result of a conviction, it's harder to open up to anybody.
Like Pineapple Thief says, its important that you seek some specialist help - GP, counselling etc. Once you've gotten so low, its really difficult to pull yourself out of the black hole by yourself.
Once you've started to get some professional help, you might feel more confident about going out and meeting people which will hopefully relieve your sense of isolation.
Pineapple Thief makes a good point about volunteering. I've volunteered myself and I now work with the volunteers at Unlock. Volunteering for me gave me a real reason to get up in the morning, it game me some control over something when there were lots of parts of my life which seemed totally out of control. More importantly, it gave me some new skills and made me have a rethink about what I wanted to do in the future. You may not be ready for this just yet but it could be something to consider in the future and who knows, could ultimately lead to a paid job.
The most important thing now is to get yourself well and take advantage of any help that's offered to you.
Need Unlock's advice? Visit our self-help information site or contact our helpline
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By Smiling Camel - 5 Feb 16 12:56 PM
Hi Mirrorman. I can understand your feelings and have experienced depression in the past. I am not a 'bible basher' or consider myself particularly over religious, but when I started going to church (became a catholic), I found that this helped my well being a great deal. It helped me highlight my problems via prayer as the lord almighty does listen if you allow space in your life . It made me feel better in myself. Its not always easy discussing personal things with people directly but this helped me as after a while my 'frame of mind' changed completely. Of course I appreciate that many people will not allow their minds to consider religious routing or values at the times of desperation, but in my case it really made a difference. I gained confidence, anxiety attacks diminished ,was surrounded by nice people generally ,and felt a belonging. I could relay my thoughts and concerns, ask for forgiveness of sins via personal prayer and meditation at any time. Not everybody's cup of tea but it helped me personally and I don't regret it in any way.
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