By Sid - 10 Jun 18 11:01 PM
Hi guys,
Back in 2010 I was sentenced to 5 years SOR & 3 years probation & community order for a count of possession of images. Thankfully I got thru court and probation etc pretty much without anyone finding out apart from someone who was my best friend but as I was god father to her children obviously the police and social services had to inform her. Naturally she went ballistic and we haven't really communicated. But she blames me for messing her life up and when she gets drunk she messages me telling me she is going to shame me and tell my family and friends what I have done. So far for the past 8 years I have managed to talk her round and calm her down and we may meet up for lunch or a quick drink but this time I think she means it.
I'm not sure what to do, I have done my time with the justice system but she seems hell bent on destroying me, after 8 years I need to get on with my life and not keep worrying when she is going to rare up again. Shes told me I'm lucky to be alive after her brothers and cousins were told etc.
Any advice anyone???
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By Thorswrath - 25 Jun 18 6:14 PM
I've been through similar problems before but maybe not with someone so close. I was unlucky and my sentence was published in my local newspaper so i didn't have the luxury of deciding who to tell and who not to tell in the end. I sat down with my closest friends the day after i was arrested though and spoke to them about what happened, out of all of them only two have stuck by me as a mate who i can still have a laugh and a bit of banter with but they were still very disappointed with me. I've recieved threats of violence and promises of 'i'll f+ing put you in hospital' etc but more often than not it's bravado, intimidation and fear. Some people aren't very articulate or tactful in telling you how they feel and it usually comes out as an angry rant to which frankly any answer you give will be the wrong answer in the heat of the moment. You can't blame people for being angry and upset.
If she still contacts you from time to time then there must be something she sees in you, some element of good or a part of you that she enjoys like your humour or whatever. What i believe people want to understand is whether or not you really accept the harm you caused to the victims in the content and what you have done to address it and take responsibility. Simply saying 'well ive done my time and it's water under the bridge' doesn't cut it with that type of crime, it's not like you stole a Playstation from Tescos, it's a highly emotive crime. It's really tough trying to explain yourself without it sounding like an excuse.
There's probably an element of shame on her part too, that she might fear being seen 'hanging around with a SO' so then there is added pressure on her to explain to others why she spends time with you etc that is a difficult thing for people to accept and make sense of.
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