Lack of closure and info at end of Probation.

By Saxon - 11 Mar 20 5:45 PM

Having completed a 3-year Community Order for indecent image offences - and completed it well, according to what I have been told - I was anticipating some kind of well, I dunno.. 'closure'. I didn't expect a party or a fanfare or a medal, but I did think there'd be some sort of written debrief or report in hand. Bizarrely, I even lost my regular officer who'd been with me for the 3 years, as she was 'called away' 2 months before I was due to finish, so my final appointment never materialized with her. I was seen by a stand-in who didn't even realize my order was ending - I had to tell her this and at the same time expressed my concerns over a lack of closure and something to show for my time with them. She said lots of stuff about understanding how I feel (as they always do)  and said she'd ask her manager to draft a letter which would be ready before Christmas. I have been in twice since, each time to be told by the smiling receptionist relaying pleasant messages from the stand-in, 'yes it's in hand'. The last time (2 weeks go) I was even told (on behalf of the manager) they'd get it done and sent to my home address that very day. It has not happened. Also, a final meeting I have requested with my former (regular) officer has not yet transpired, it appears her return date gets pushed back a month at a time.
Now, this of course could be attributed to simply busyness (or disfunctionalism if we are to be more disparaging), but as we all know anxiety/mental scarring levels are cosmically high after being digested by the criminal justice as a sex offender, so my concern/paranoia is always that something deeper is going on, thus... 
The last time I saw my regular officer (about 3 months before the end) among the things she said to me in reply to me asking do I need to do any more 'work'? was - I quote exactly - "As for as I'm concerned we have made it" and "You don't have those fantasies anymore" and  "Now I understand children are not your thing, but women are" - in other words dynamite, you would think, from a risk assessment point of view and the path to official rehabilitation. However, would she (or perhaps more particularly her management) be prepared to put their money where their mouth is, so to speak, and actually make these statements in writing - for the benefit of the court when the time comes for me to apply to remove my SHPO or for the social services (so I can get to spend time with my children again like a normal Dad).
I'm beginning to think not; the cynical part of me after so many knocks and insane safeguarding interventions over the last 3 years (always through absolutely no offence or breach on my part) makes it difficult to trust them one iota. Despite the pleasantries and supportive words spoken in most of my meetings with them and the CPU - I even bumped into my probation officer in a cafe and she warmly invited me to make an appointment after my order - I actually suspect that back-covering is so all-pervasive they would not 'stick their necks out' to give me anything physically/tangibly that I could present to social services or a court, even though they actually believe my risk is low to zero (it's actually zero, but one is completely wasting breath to say this). 
I am beginning to believe I am being stalled, because it's more than a probation managers job's worth to give an ex-offender a copy in their hand stating an opinion of a sentence well-served and risk to children minimal (I realize that officially there is no such as 'no' risk, which I'll refrain from comment on). Some other posts on this forum concerning reluctance of all the official safeguarding bodies to give out any trust leads me to this belief, although evidently there are success stories. Sorry if I've waffled on, but the anxiety is huge as I hope some of you appreciate. This is in the context of 3 years despair, a lot of suicidal (4 if you count - which you ought to - the precharge bail period) losing contact with my two children to all but once every few weeks for 2 hours supervised, and sustained by the hope of light at the end of the tunnel and getting normal contact again once I'd done my bit - but I can't help feeling "doing our bit" in this draconian culture will simply count for nothing. I know that without the best possible report from probation and police, one does not stand a snowball's chance in hell with Britain's social services, probably not anyway, but at least I want the encouragement of knowing I've done my best, all I can to show I am not a risk to anyone, and would like this recognized with a bit more than hot air.
I'm not sure what advice anyone can give, I guess I'm just venting my bitterness and fears, but I wonder what experiences in the way of debriefs and disclosure of information other offenders have had at the end of their community orders/probation periods? Is it standard practice to have absolutely nothing in writing? I did an AIMS assessment at my very last meeting with PPU and the stand-in officer, but I've never been shown a copy of it since, and frankly I'm too afraid to ask despite all verbal accounts that I've done well and knowing in myself I've absolutely nothing to hide, one just becomes utterly paranoid by the safeguarding culture and the way they reason things. Would it be over the top of me to go to a solicitor and get a freedom of information request put on probation? Am I justified in this if they continue to refuse (or 'not get round to') to play ball? I don't want to tarnish what they verbally say is a good outcome, but it so seriously pisses me off the lack of concern for human (family) rights out there, all that matters it seems is finding 'risk' or imagining it if there is none provable.  
It's coming up to 4 months now since I finished, and in another 12 months I'm told (by a solicitor) that it would be feasible to apply to  have my SHPO removed (it was an indefinite one). I suppose I'll only find out when the time comes, whether rehabilitation does what it says on the label even after we've sincerely done our bit.
By jcdmcr - 11 Jul 20 4:04 PM

I know what you mean - i just got a letter wishing me all the best...