theForum

What to do next?


https://forum.unlock.org.uk/Topic35345.aspx

By Castiel - 10 Apr 25 2:24 AM

Hi
I've been wondering what to write for a while now, but I think the time is right. 
I got the knock in June last year and I have my first court appearance at the end of this month. My solicitor has said that after that hearing I will need to sign on to the register.
My question is this, what should I do about my work. I am currently employed but do I tell my employer after this hearing, so I wait until after my sentence or do I not say anything and hope it doesn't come to light?

Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from some of you soon. 
By JASB - 29 Dec 25 4:47 PM

MarcuSmith - 27 Dec 25 3:47 PM
DaveB - 23 May 25 6:00 PM
If you haven't done so already, find the Lucy Faithfull website and call their helpline. They're very understanding and reassuring, and you'll feel a lot less alone. If you have a partner or other family member going through this, get them to use it too, for exactly the same reasons.

Back in the day they told me (correctly) that for a first offence I had about zero chance of going to prison. Prisons have only got more overcrowded since then.

As others have said, media coverage is something of a lucky dip. *But*, these days the local rags only seem to publish if the story has something extra - a local councillor, a repeat offender, or whatever. Small-time, unremarkable downloaders aren't interesting enough anymore. There was a journalist in court for my sentencing and I *still* didn't appear in the media, because he was there to cover another story.

You're going through the worst stage of the process now, and it does get better. Don't torture yourself with what-ifs, stay realistic.

Best luck.


I informed my employer by letter between hearing and sentencing as my contract said I must.  I was covered by sick notes at the time and has been off for 3 months since the voluntary interview. This was the worst decision I made but was being told I was committing sick pay fraud by not telling them.  My employer put a senior manager in court for sentencing so now all my former colleagues know.  Any benefits I had from reporting restrictions disappeared. This will haunt me forever even though my order is spent at end of 2026.

Hi
Remember it is their "self defence" attitude that makes them react against you initially and would have occurred at some stage. 
It will hurt at first but it is always best to disclose when required rather than try to hide and it then comes out.
Yes you will find and lose friends, but then you can always ask were they really friends? If they were wouldn't they have stayed to support you "IF" they did indeed know the real you?
This is called the "shame" stage of the process, but you will see yourself safely through this period as long as you keep your self belief.
For now you are to focus on showing you can and will rehabilitate to gain control of the aspects of your life that allowed you to commit your offence. 

Its now 16 years since my offence and I have lost family and friends but I have also gained better friends.
I only disclose when it is actually required. 
I also distance myself from disclosing if I have concerns on how the individual would take it; even if that means stopping a growing relationship.
There has been many discussions with my OM's over the years of the importance of a relationship to show that I have rehabilitated. I emphases that many individuals in a relationship commit offences plus if I disclose to a "mother" and their children have children I have to keep on disclosing accordingly. This would mean that though the "mother" I am in a relationship with supports me, she is in danger of having to decide to continue our relationship or their children distancing themselves if their attitudes about ex SO's is different. That could continue down the generations. 
As I mentioned the time now is to focus on your wellbeing to ensure you can face the future confidently.