theForum » Other areas » Emotional support » It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

dragonfly4 — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 19:36:53 GMT

Hi everyone I posted the topic waiting in the introduction forum but it wouldn't let me add further posts as an update.

Brief overview my partner is facing six counts of assault over an historic offence - we believe he was between the ages of 12-15 he's when this took place where he touched his younger cousin out of sexual curiosity. He apologised at the time and nothing more was said. They have a good relationship, friendly chatty etc since then he's apologised to her several times over this.
Shortly after we get married he(18 years later) a phone call about the investigation, interviews go ahead and yesterday I saw the charge sheet and was shocked he's facing six counts, my partner has been honest all the way through he says he can only remember this the two times - I believe him he's an honest kind man the fact that he admitted to it at interview and al.those years ago and has felt guilty his whole life that shows character.

What shocked me further was the police force said that if he'd still lived in the area they'd have given him an out of court disposal..... so theyve pushed it to court instead.

Seriously - our solicitor was shocked and said he will highlighting this when we go to court as hopefully a way of dissuading them to push this to crown because we are talking about 13/14 year old boy that committed an offence -twice. The police, CPS all said there's no grooming/predatory intention etc
In the meantime we have to collect character references it's our only hope to stop the worst case scenario which again is risky but we'll find out who are friends are.

So we're upset we really thought this could have been resolved out of court. It's hard not to feel angry there's worse cases with people who intend harm others that never see court. I can't understand how the CPS feel there's enough evidence when it's just her account in of things.
How do you navigate through this emotional time?
What did you find helpful in lead up and after court?
We're fully prepared for our lives to fall apart.
Thank you

RE: It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

Square — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 19:36:53 GMT

Don't over think things just now. You know what he is charged with and that he is going to court. He could end up with anything from dismissal to time in prison. The system is not predictable. Also, remember that the police are there to gain convictions - that is their job and as such don't talk to them. Not you or your husband.

If you can, spend time together. Go for walks, travel and have weekends away. It will likely be around a year before you end up in court so try as hard as you can to do positive things for your mental wellbeing.

Oh, and court sucks. It is horrendous. Go expecting the worst, and things can only be more positive than that.

RE: It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

JASB — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 10:53:19 GMT

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[b]dragonfly4 - 4 Jul 20 9:04 AM[/b]

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Hi

Please know you are not alone. You are not the first to travel this journey so; as you are doing, look at the experiences of others. You WILL NOT find the solution to all your concerns here BUT you will receive supportive answers that will allow you to consider and plan your own strategy for you both maintain a quality / balanced way of life.

It may sound callus but think of your own well being first. Look and talk to your family and friends to know who will be there at the conclusion of the justice process. You will need them more than him. The possible impact of the Court's decision on you both financially and emotionally is unknown but that does not stop you from ensuring you are prepared. To be prepared for the worse scenario, have the addresses to contact supportive organisations, in fact any and including Prisoner support services documented. Ensure you have access to any joint banking etc liabilities and can authorise any changes or whatever.
Organising these elements of your life together now will help distract you from the legal process. More importantly this will be easier now than afterwards when emotions will be stressed.

For him and you I will offer one bit of advice I found very beneficial when preparing for my "stay away":[quote]Forget about time as you know it as you will discover it is an irrelevant measurement.[/quote]
These simple words I quickly learnt to be very true. From the moment the Courts handed me over to the Prison Service any control over when or how I did something was relinquished. I asked a simple question expecting an answer straight away, that would not happen. The worse example in memory was waiting for a month for a simple yes or no. Do not think repeating or reminding the official you are waiting for an answer will help; quite possibly it will be the reverse.
You may not think the above is an essential but believe me "time" can be the most emotional and stressful element of our mental well being and so our quality of life.
I do not consider myself a master of legal words and options but like many here will be supportive but it is up to you to be brave.
I have attached a document for you both to look at. It is a simple view and method of caring for your self. If you have any questions please ask.
.

RE: It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

Was — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 19:48:19 GMT

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[b]xDanx - 4 Jul 20 11:31 AM[/b]

From what I understand from doing my own research is, listed in the polices code of conduct it states that anyone charged with a crime MUST be shown the evidence before going to court.

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I wasn't. If I'm honest, I still don't know what I pled guilty to, but I knew I couldn't face a trial after 32 months on police bail which had wrecked me mentally by being brought in every 3 months to then be released again "pending further inquiries".

All I can say right now, is the best advice I got was from the duty solicitor (really!). The first thing he said to me was: "It might look like the end of the world right now but you will get through this." I'm grateful for that.

Ditch people who can't accept it, they will suck out your life. Stick with people who will, they are your support. Whatever happens, moving forward and not looking back is the best thing to do.

RE: It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

jcdmcr — Sat, 04 Jul 2020 16:52:35 GMT

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[b]xDanx - 4 Jul 20 11:31 AM[/b]

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[b]dragonfly4 - 4 Jul 20 9:04 AM[/b]

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I read your previous post and I am sorry this has happened to you both. Given my own experiences with the police it would seem to me the police are potentially using your husbands honesty to their advantage to push for a conviction. Have you asked what evidence the police have and has this evidence been seen? From what I understand from doing my own research is, listed in the polices code of conduct it states that anyone charged with a crime MUST be shown the evidence before going to court. it will then be your solicitors duty to use all of his knowledge to give you the best defense possible. It would appear based on what you have explained so far you have a fairly decent solicitor so I hope he/she will get this sorted in your husbands favor. Was there ever a police caution offered?

There is no easy way to manage ones emotions through a time like this, try to enjoy the things in life you enjoy most every few days with out letting the fear and worry build up.

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Yeah - i'd agree entirely with this, the police have a habit of doing this.They also have a habit of exadurating and hiding their possition..My index offence was 17 x indecent images (all deleted), (however they found data in a thumbs.db file (windows thumbnails are stored in it) In 2017 I was reading an article in the dailymail about a kid who whos school said he was obese, I googled average weight of an 11 year old. In the comment to the article I wrote "just googled it, he is overweight by one stone". The next day 8 x Greater Manchester Police arrived and arrested me, in the interview I explained that I googled it in response to a news paper article.

In court the next day they stated "This proved that a contact offence was imminent"....

Be very careful how stuff can be used against you.

RE: It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

jcdmcr — Sat, 04 Jul 2020 16:37:14 GMT

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[b]dragonfly4 - 4 Jul 20 9:04 AM[/b]

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When you go to court make sure you prepare for the worst case scenario - prison take around £100 in cash, make sure you have some books (~6-8) and a change of clothes for around a week.

In terms of any order read up on https://www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/explanatory-material/magistrates-court/item/ancillary-orders/22-sexual-harm-prevention-orders/
and challenge ANY order proposed or given. DO NOT give in, regardless what the solicitor says you MUST CHALLENGE

Also ring around all your friends and relatives, write to them and get character references too.

RE: It's going to court - supporting through the lead up - SO

xDanx — Sat, 04 Jul 2020 11:31:08 GMT

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[b]dragonfly4 - 4 Jul 20 9:04 AM[/b]

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