theForum » Other areas » Emotional support » I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

chang — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 13:32:40 GMT

Convicted of manslaughter (aged 18) - 7 year sentence in 1980, released on licence, been married 34 years, self employed virtually since day of release.

Yesterday replies appeared on my business Facebook page detailing my crime and urging people to think before sporting our business, the detail was such (after 40 years) that who ever it was must of been closely affected. Messages were not threatening, but very embarrassing and hit me hard. All I could do as it is a business page was take it down.

Then in the afternoon a customer sent me a screen shot of very similar message that had been inserted into comment section of his YouTube channel ( I was in the video title, so guess it was searched) He said it appears in other videos also, but I couldn't face searching for it he has removed that particular video.

I plain and simply do not know what to do.

RE: I don't know what to do.

JASB — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 13:32:40 GMT

[quote]

[b]chang - 23 Jul 20 12:52 AM[/b]

[/quote]

Hi
I am not concerned with the details of your offence as I feel with a high degree of certainty you are no longer the person that committed the offence.

In my case i have reinvented myself, moved locations and built a plausible story of my past life that removes the need for discussing my offence UNLESS it is required to be and then only if confidentiality is assured. That has given me some form of control.

I have lost many aspects of my life, some family members and friends, contacts for employment etc, relationships that were developing so it was a hard choice.
In my mind I was not running away as in fact I was regaining control and so improving my quality of life.

I am not telling you to do this but I would suggest you sit and discuss any scenarios that could recover your quality of life with those closest and so most affected by your decision. Explaining the issues caused by the actions of others can be hard to maturing minds but in the long run they will understand and probably support you more for it.

Good luck and know you have the support of strangers who believe in rehabilitation and your right to a quality of life

RE: I don't know what to do.

Mr W — Thu, 23 Jul 2020 01:24:23 GMT

Hi Chang,
This is a tricky situation and I'm very aware a few people on this forum can sympathise with very similar problems.
As you admirably say they must have been closely affected by what happened. However, it's unreasonable for them to use you and your business as a punching bag especially 40 years down the line for issues that they need to deal with themselves too.
Sadly, your problem is not unique, there are stories here how 'random people' have brought up someone's past and it's affected their job, where they live etc. Unhelpfully, seemingly not a lot can be done about it. In my view, an authority figure should make contact with the person and make them realise the repercussions of their actions - I say authority figure because I'm not sure whose responsibility this should be, but one would assume it to be police as more of domestic-type enforcement.
Hopefully, it will blow over and this person will find something better to do with their time than to trash your business online, if they continue, it could be grounds for harassment. Maybe something has happened to them that's triggered the original incident and they're taking it out on you. It's none of your concern, of course, but I'm trying to make sense of the 'why now'.
Otherwise, I don't know if you're able to operate under a different name? That might be difficult if you operate face-to-face, I guess. I'm using a different name to 'hide' my past, my original name is unusual so very easy to Google. It's worked so far, but I'm very aware it's a fragile state, as soon as one person links my old name with new name... well, I try not to think about that too much. Sorry this is probably not much help, but if it's really problematic give the people at Unlock a call and talk through it, they're always very helpful. Good luck.