theForum » Other areas » Emotional support » They found out

They found out

switchr — Tue, 23 Aug 2022 12:08:01 GMT

If you've read my other post in this sub-forum, I had The Knock nearly two years ago - but am still waiting to be interviewed and charged.

Despite not being arrested, five of my real-life friends found out about The Knock and the reasons - and complete cut off contact with me. Fair enough, that is their prerogative and to be honest I don't blame them at all.

It was awful loosing all my friends (only one person stuck by me) and I became fully introverted and agoraphobic, but I've slowly worked through it over the last two years and am slowly being more comfortable going outside again.

Back in January I joined the online community for my town, and started to forge relationships with other likeminded people there. I kept myself mostly anonymous, though none of my ex-friends were members so I began to let my guard down and I felt I was starting a few strong friendships. I was working my way up to attending the weekly meetups.

Last night I got a message from the group administrator:
A trusted source recognised you and raised serious safeguarding concerns which couldn’t be ignore. We have removed you from the [community] and you are no longer welcome

Hit me like a tonne of bricks. I'd become so comfortable that someone in the community recognised me, and word must have gotten to one of my ex-friends.

So, I mean, that's it I suppose. I don't think there's any chance of having a social life in my town now.

I just wanted to get this cruddy experience off my chest.

RE: They found out

JASB — Tue, 23 Aug 2022 12:08:01 GMT

[quote]

[b]switchr - 14 Aug 22 3:08 PM[/b]

[/quote]

Hi
I hope you are learning how to improve your self wellbeing; remember only you can do that and it does / will take time.

Unfortunately "society" has this wonderful habit of being verbal about "subjects" they do not understand the actual details of in order to "appear" to be the perfect "member of society". A bit like these "influencers" of social media platforms who do not admit to "manufacturing" their "appearance".

Though I agree the protection of the "vulnerable" is important and in general, members of society are able to accomplish that. However, in this age of "headlines not details" and wishing to be the first to be "identified" as the "righteous" one, we that are included under the label of "SO", are not only an "easy" target but an "obvious" target.

As mentioned before, think positively, do not worry about those who have left but concentrate on those that have remained!
Think of the positive options for you depending on the result when it comes.
Do you have to move?
Do you have to change your name? Would it be better to do before I move?
What will I do for an income? Employed or self employed?
How do I manage my interactions with others in the future.

There are so many positive subjects for you to concentrate on rather than the negatives. Remember you will have plenty of time for remorse over your life span but it does not have to be constant.
As ever good luck

RE: They found out

AB2014 — Wed, 17 Aug 2022 09:02:30 GMT

[quote]

[b]switchr - 16 Aug 22 10:20 AM[/b]

I'm feeling better this week. I let the despair sit in the pit of my chest, and just let it be for a day or two. Tried to realised that it was okay to feel that way.

[/quote]

Nobody has the right to tell you how you should feel. It's OK not to feel OK, but you need to keep caring for and about yourself.

RE: They found out

switchr — Tue, 16 Aug 2022 10:20:59 GMT

I'm feeling better this week. I let the despair sit in the pit of my chest, and just let it be for a day or two. Tried to realised that it was okay to feel that way.

RE: They found out

Was — Sun, 14 Aug 2022 23:53:25 GMT

It is indeed a problem. The risk assessment in the one hand marks you down for not being sociable, whilst at the same time marks you down for being sociable and sends delete requests to Facebook.

My solution was to create a new anonymous online identity. I obviously gave the police the details as they count it as an alias, BUT I was absolutely scrupulous to avoid anything that would give away my identity to a reader. I talk about my life and experiences only in generalities.

I could, I guess, be a little more open now I'm off the SOR but I'm not going to.

And do not interact with Facebook groups. Ever.

RE: They found out

Craniumbre — Sun, 14 Aug 2022 18:32:19 GMT

Real shame that you are experiencing this even though you have not been charged nor have had any further interviews. I think maybe get in touch with the administrator asking what the issue is as you’ve not had a chance to response or clarify your position? Easier said than done really! Would love to have more fluid convo than using forums. I’ve been relying on Shout and CALM. Both helps even though it is not really a community. Difficult re moving. Would be good to move now but same time it might be better to move after being charged if you are charged. Rock and hard place.