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Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Blue Moon — Mon, 27 Mar 2023 21:41:47 GMT

Hi all, fairly new here.

Just thought I'd give an introduction/overview of my situation and hopefully helps anybody who's going through similar.

My story:

So June last year i received the knock, i was staying with my partner at the time. I was actually at work at the time and she let them in, they seized all of the devices ect and came and picked me up at work (embarrassing to say the least) Panic stricken i spent the day in custody went through the whole DNA logging, mugshot, rights ect. I asked for a solicitor for interview who advised me to go no comment which i did. Then had to speak to mental health to make sure i didn't kill myself upon leaving. Anybody who's been in this situation I'd advise you to speak with them as it was the only thing on my mind at the time. I was bailed and told i couldn't go back to the house as she had children. so i went to my parents. My mother imidiatly asked me what I'd done and if it was true to which i confessed. This took a a while to sink in with her but she could see i was a nervous wreck. I'd been in a difficult relationship for several years with lots of debt issues, health problems as well as depression and me and my mother hadn't been on great terms prior to this but god bless her heart she still wanted to help me get my life sorted.

I didn't sleep much that night, i couldn't eat for around a week as my world had just been turned upside down. I was extremely low and suicidal even to the point where i made a note and was going to go do it. The crisis team and my GP were amazing and really helped me get through it as well as support from my family. As the weeks progressed i sought out a solicitor who deals with this kind of conviction primarily, he referred me to Saferlives as well as taking over as my representation, he was fantastic with me and my family. In the coming weeks due to medication and support my mental health improved somewhat and i was doing weekly session with saferlives who are amazing and i'd advise anybody to use them. They provide support all the way up to court. They get to the root of the problems and come up with action plans to avoid it happening again. They also give you a confidential space to talk about what's on your mind.

Fast forward to now. I'm still being bailed but 2nd interview is fast approaching. I've come to terms with what i did and can see it was horrific and have spent the last year evaluating my own mental state.

I really feel for those who go through this without a support network as i don't know where I'd be without my family, they have accepted what I did was wrong and helped me better myself. I am now in a position where i want to get through the conviction, repay my debt to society in any way possible and move forward and become a better person and make sure this never happens again. This is going to be challenging however given I'm probably looking at 10 years on the Register and a SHPO for the duration but I'm determined to get through it and get my life back on track.

I'll keep you all informed on how things go further down the line as i think it's important for people going through similar to see how things work and also being stuck in the limbo period on bail is probably the time where you question yourself the most.

Few things I've learned:

Treat each day like a working day and take it one step at a time, i look foward to the weekends as i know i'm essentially safe from any bad news as it's out of office hours.

Stay off the alcohol/drugs it will only enhance the depression

Get help and support and tell yourself that this is never going to happen again, you're better than this and you will be better in the future!

Keep yourself busy, if you can still work do it! i lost my job unfortunately and a lot of friends but i play video games a lot, go for long dog walks and spend time with my family.

If you're anxious about being seen in public I'd advise going to a neighbouring town/area for shopping ect. If you have a beard shave it, if you don't have one grow it, try wearing a hat/glasses, change fashion choices ect. If you keep your head down with these minor alterations a passing eye in the street will struggle to notice you.

Conclusion:

These types of crimes are becoming a disease on society in recent years with ease of access and a constant network of people who will groom you into it. Make sure to keep your head high and move foward and push yourself to become a better person!

Thanks for reading and will reply to any responses or questions.

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Fylde-boy — Mon, 27 Mar 2023 21:41:47 GMT

[quote]

[b]Was - 20 Mar 23 7:19 PM[/b]

Best thing I did was to concede that it was myself who got into my situation and there was no-one else to blame.

Totally agree, I spent a long time blaming 'Google' and various other websites. Now I recognise we have to take responsibility for our own actions.

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Blue Moon — Mon, 27 Mar 2023 13:21:02 GMT

[quote]

[b]JASB - 27 Mar 23 1:03 PM[/b]

[quote]

[b]Blue Moon - 26 Mar 23 1:34 PM[/b]

Hi Both

Thanks for your reply

Dc23 i'm honestly thrilled you didn't get charged and it hasn't progressed, must be such a relief. like i say 1 year later and i'm still awaiting.

Had the extended bail application this week, with the numbers of evidence ect on there. came as a bit of a shock as i hadn't realised how bad it had gotten. on the plus side this has given me time to come to terms with it.

Looking at a 2nd interview back end of September and then waiting for courts ect will probs take me in 2024.

Honestly without the support I'd received I'd be lost in Limbo.

And as far as money goes I'm aware at the extended period of unemployment I'm looking at. I was debating going doing a degree or something for a few years, i'm educated to A level so wouldn't need access course or anything and i'm aware some people in this situation have had succsess getting onto them with none-contact offences.

Seems fairly promising and would fill in the unemployment gap once my conviction is spent.

I'm currently in mid-late 20's so if i get a 10 year SHPO and appeal at the 5 yr mark it's gona be early 30's which i think isn't too late to start getting things back on track :).

As stated in my previous comments my logic is to accept what has happened, take preventative measures to make sure this unacceptable behaviour never happens again, pay the price and work to become a contributing member of society once again.

I think we need a lot more success story's in this community so that those who have fallen prey to this can get back up off the ground and rebuild themselves and hopefully never re-offend

I intend to document every step of the way to give a clear understanding of the process and how i combat the many obstacles that lie ahead

[/quote]

Hi
Though my pre-conviction career was good and lucky, post conviction has not been the same.
At your age, and if wishing to "reboot" your career, may I suggest you look seriously at undertaking some sort of "business"studies course as a foundation? Reason being is that more than likey you will probably undertake freelance roles in the future. Understanding business models will allow you the flexibility of offering so more more to any role you wish to follow. If your into computers, then it is also important as an extra offering to various roles within that "service" that are not client facing. My last role was Project Management, HR etc but I had to work with the Finance etc heads who wanted/required me to understand their roles more than they did me.

In other words "Interconectivity" (favorite word of mind) makes you aware of the maze of interactions with areas you did not think about, but if you are aware you can create an image of the "goto" individual and help rebuild the respect from others.

[/quote]

Hi Jasb

It's funny you should say that, One of my A levels is actually in Business studies so definitely a good footing to go onto further education in the role i think, it was something i always found interesting at college so may be a good opportunity to advance those skills and put them to use?

As always appreciate the input.

Take care man

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

JASB — Mon, 27 Mar 2023 13:03:42 GMT

[quote]

[b]Blue Moon - 26 Mar 23 1:34 PM[/b]

[/quote]

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

khafka — Mon, 27 Mar 2023 04:17:16 GMT

[quote]

[b]DC23 - 26 Mar 23 3:48 PM[/b]

[quote]

[b]khafka - 26 Mar 23 8:42 AM[/b]

[quote]

[b]DC23 - 25 Mar 23 2:31 PM[/b]

try and stay off google. i drove myself bonkers looking at news articles etc. you don't tend to see good news stories so bear in mind that some stories have a happy ending. i never read any cases either on here or elsewhere that ended as mine did, so just assumed it never happened, but the police indicated that a large % of 'knocks' end this way.

[/quote]

That was one of my biggest things once offence was more publicly known. Just constantly Googling myself and reading comments on social media and whatnot about me. If you ever want an argument against democracy then just read some comments on Facebook, that's all I'll say...

[/quote]

my opinion of the media has massively changed ofer the last few weeks. it's funny how something like this gives you a whole new perspective. pretty much any other crime is explainable and is possible for society to forgive. but any sexual offence hitting the media, and you get a life sentance basically unless you change your name, move away etc. it was my biggest fear throughout the whole thing, even though solicitor indicated the chances of media picking up on it would be highly unlikely

[/quote]

Yeah! I mentioned it quite a while ago here on this forum but by the time a court case hits the media it's gone through so many filters. Bit like a weird game of Chinese whispers. Actual Offence Occurring

Arrest/Interview/Evidence gathering stage
What are you're actually charged with
Initial court date - Remember the prosecution wants to get a conviction so they'll try put you in the worst light possible
Potential first media report - Remember this will be tweaked in order to eyes on the article
Follow up court date - Your defence/mitigation depending on circumstances
Potential second media report - Adding potentially more tweaked and out of context quotes to add onto their initial report
Conviction - Where you're officially convicted of Crime-X
Potential third media report - Again adding extra bits
Sentencing - Officially sentenced and sent on your way
Final media report putting it all together - Again, remember they want to sell papers/clicks
Potential social media groups jumping in - They could jump in earlier, especially if you're reported earlier but again, they tend to have set agendas so there will be more twisted words and quotes to influence some ragebaiting.

So by the time it's all said and done from you actually committing the offence until you're sentenced it has the potential to go through at least different steps and sources and that's if you're lucky. It could be even more.

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

DC23 — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 15:54:31 GMT

[quote]

[b]Blue Moon - 26 Mar 23 1:34 PM[/b]

[/quote]

thanks mate...it's funny i spent weeks not believing what was happening to me now i'm struggling to believe it's really over! i was in 2 minds whether to even post my situation becuase i know that many on here won't get the outcome i did.

it's great that you have that support network. i'm not sure how i'd have coped as the months passed...i believe at some point i'd have had to tell someone or i don't know what i'd have done.

hang in there...you've got a really positive outlook on the whole thing and as you say, age is very much on your side!

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

DC23 — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 15:48:14 GMT

[quote]

[b]khafka - 26 Mar 23 8:42 AM[/b]

[quote]

[b]DC23 - 25 Mar 23 2:31 PM[/b]

[/quote]

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Blue Moon — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 13:34:59 GMT

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

khafka — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 08:42:15 GMT

[quote]

[b]DC23 - 25 Mar 23 2:31 PM[/b]

[/quote]

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

DC23 — Sat, 25 Mar 2023 14:31:28 GMT

first time poster here. so had the knock back in jan. even though it was only a few weeks it was absolute hell. told no one, only my mrs knew about it (as she was in at the time). made that concious decision on the basis that once i tell someone, i can't un-tell them and have no control over whom they tell. that was the hardest part, not being able to talk to anyone. you might think your best of best mates would understand but you never know and even if there's a 1% doubt then keep it to yourself. couldn't really talk to my mrs about it cause she wasn't best pleased to say the least (but mercifully didn't kick me out).

my story is a short one. almost 2 months to the day after the knock, out of the blue, they brought my stuff back telling me they're not pursuing the case. i knew from the outset that what it was that i got arrested for wasn't too bad...it was just a mistake (without going into detail) but that didn't stop the usual thoughts running through my head during those few weeks. my solicitor sounded fairly convinced that i'd get charged but i now know that was just him managing my expectations.

the only pieces of advice i have for others going through this is:

be careful who you tell, and to be honest avoid telling anyone unless absolutely necessary. @bluemoon you're actually lucky that you've been essentially forced to tell your mum and you're very lucky to have someone to talk to. i think most have to suffer alone (i know i did)

stop it now/lucy faithful were a big help. use them. don't feel like you're calling them too often. they told me they have some 'regulars' who call them most days. they really helped me, even if it was just listening to me offload.

keep busy. look for a hobby (i hate to say it, but you might be facing a period of unemployment) so look for a side hussle that can bring in some cash in preparation for this period. i started being more frugal with money but at the same time, don't cancel those dinner plans or days with friends. you need those to keep your sanity.

try and stay off google. i drove myself bonkers looking at news articles etc. you don't tend to see good news stories so bear in mind that some stories have a happy ending. i never read any cases either on here or elsewhere that ended as mine did, so just assumed it never happened, but the police indicated that a large % of 'knocks' end this way.

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Blue Moon — Thu, 23 Mar 2023 15:06:40 GMT

[quote]

[b]punter99 - 23 Mar 23 10:13 AM[/b]

[quote]

[b]Blue Moon - 20 Mar 23 2:45 PM[/b]

[/quote]

Hi Blue Moon,

Your experiences will be familiar to most of the people here. I was interested to hear that you went to Saferlives and not Lucy Faithful for help. They charge £60 for an initial consultation, according to their website, but the same thing can be obtained for free from Lucy Faithful.

Did the police recommend Saferlives to you?

[/quote]

Hi Punter

Thanks for your reply!

So my solicitor advised me to speak to them. Lucy faithful (STOPitnow) have a free course section on their website and they also offer a paid version which comes in at a similar price to saferlives overall. I have completed the free section with Lucy faithful and the paid Saferlives course was a lot more in depth, i'd describe it more as therapy too.

Safer lives involved around 6 1-1 sessions with one of their consultants where we covered motive, mental health, cause and effect and came up with an action plan that runs going forward to avoid this happening again. Once completed you also receive a certificate of completion and action plan which the courts look favorably at.

They also offer family support and can be contacted for advice all the way up to the court date.

I'd say it was worth every penny and they really made me feel somewhat accepting of the whole situation and gave me the tools to deal with things going forward.

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

punter99 — Thu, 23 Mar 2023 10:13:48 GMT

[quote]

[b]Blue Moon - 20 Mar 23 2:45 PM[/b]

[/quote]

Blue Moon — Wed, 22 Mar 2023 14:00:13 GMT

[quote]

[b]xDanx - 20 Mar 23 11:35 PM[/b]

[quote]

[b]Blue Moon - 20 Mar 23 7:34 PM[/b]

[quote]

[b]Was - 20 Mar 23 7:19 PM[/b]

Agree. There is mitigation and explanation but it doesn't help a person move on, only explain psychologically what happened which is an interesting philosophical discussion but not that helpful.

Best thing I did was to concede that it was myself who got into my situation and there was no-one else to blame.

Trust me. You'll feel a lot better taking that path.

[/quote]

Totally hit the nail on the head there!

I spent several months in denial but have started to accept it and admit to myself that i commited this horrible acts and now want to better myself.

Take care

[/quote]

Welcome to the forum first of all, it really is nice to see those in these circumstances manage to find these forums. The information here along with everyone's experiences will hopefully help you better in your case.
I understand all to well now more than ever the dangers, the curiosity and sadly the temptation the internet holds. Yet, it is individuals like our selves who fall pray to it all and end up being the "monster" in the eyes of society.
Based on your introduction I see the case is still on going, have you been charged yet awaiting court or still waiting?
Owning up to the fact that you did wrong may seem the best thing to do, in most cases it may well be to allow yourself to learn and move on. But choose your words carefully at all times when speaking to the Police, do not fall in the same trap I did by saying words that can be easily misconstrued to fit their own narrative.

Once again, welcome to the forum and I wish you good luck with your case.

[/quote]

Hi Dan

Thanks for your kind words it is appreciated

And you are correct i haven't been charged yet.

I have and amazing solicitor who is costing an arm and a leg who is guiding me through all the obstacles this process involves so hopefully should be fine!

The biggest thing i noticed is the lack of support and information out there for people in these situations so if my experience can in any way make things clear and the things i've learned help others move on with their life and not re-offend then i think that helps

Like i said i will update this post as it goes on

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

xDanx — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 23:35:13 GMT

[quote]

[b]Blue Moon - 20 Mar 23 7:34 PM[/b]

[quote]

[b]Was - 20 Mar 23 7:19 PM[/b]

[/quote]

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Blue Moon — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 19:34:18 GMT

[quote]

[b]Was - 20 Mar 23 7:19 PM[/b]

[/quote]

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Blue Moon — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 19:32:20 GMT

[quote]

[b]JASB - 20 Mar 23 4:49 PM[/b]

Hi
First my words are never meant to be rude or insulting; just from someone speaking from what they have learned.

I am glad you have the support of family and friends but more importantly you have invested your efforts in approaching an "independent" supporter.

I say that because though we crave the support of family and friends and desperate not to loose them; they are bias towards us for obvious reasons. An independent supporter should be direct and straight in helping you realise [quote]"no one else is to blame! You made the decision and so have to face the facts to understand WHY DID YOU![/quote]

Your family will not seriously take you down that path.

The "groomers" only feed whatever it is in us that was inquisitive or required feeding, they offered but did not force you. The same as "Tesco's" is not to blame for a person being over weight!

In my case I can't blame anyone else for my paying for sexual services, I have had to challenge myself by facing the decision I made, bluntly and with no niceities.

Forget about anybody else except the understanding of yourself, and of course the "victims within the images". You can't say sorry to them as you will never meet them but you can give them justice by being a better individual and considerate human being.; as that is what I am and will always attempt to do.
Good luck and welcome to the home of the repentant!

[/quote]

Hi JASB

Thanks for your feedback it is appreciated

I totally get your points I completely agree with them, maybe I didn't word it right (I sometimes struggle to convey my point on a forum rather than a real conversation lol)

Just wanna state categorically I take full responsibility for this and I'm not pushing the blame on anybody else except myself. and i agree with the best way to give the victims justice is so better yourself, this is what i want to achieve in the long run.

It wasn't just family to be fair, several friends who i'd lost contact with due to my ex came back as well as they'd seen me spiralling over the last few years.

I've found this forum very helpful as i can see other people going through similar experiences and i want to try and contribute to helping myself and others get through this stuff.

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

Was — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 19:19:02 GMT

RE: Coming back from the depths (images offence)

JASB — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 16:49:37 GMT