Firstly it is fantastic news that you have a clean DBS. 

When I was arrested my employer found out and I was dismissed from my job. Thankfully there is no press coverage surrounding me and very little is found when you google my name.

As I have an SHPO my DBS won't be clean so what I have done though is start my own business, it is hard work but it works. It is outside of the sector that I used to work in so all the contacts I have built up in my business don't know about my past. It has been a lot of hard work but it gives me an income and a sense of purpose in your life.

I know it is very tough for you but if you go around with thinking that you are ruined and there is no way forward then this won't help. There are ways forward but it takes time and it is hard. Whilst your previous career, like mine, is probably not viable again a different approach in a different industry is possible. As you have a clean DBS and your conviction is spent you don't need to declare your conviction when you apply for a job so you can try something different, not every job takes up references from previous employers.

Hi

Im pleased about the DBS as I thought it may.
As we discussed you have various option available now but the main one concerns yourself. You will never forget but time and other events move it from the focus of others.

Take the "positives" of this "experience" to make the decisions necessary to improve your life. Yes you may decide to move and change your name as if nothing but unfriendliness remains where you are, then why not?
I did and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Know there is only one aspect of life you can do nothing about, but you can affect your circumstances before that event; just believe in yourself and enjoy as much of your life that remains before that event.

Just be happy, safe and content in whatever you decide to do, do not dream of what you could of done, but what you will do going forward.

Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

To reassure those in similar situations where their sentence will become spent whilst still remaining on the SOR, and who have no ancillary orders, my paper DBS certificate arrived in the post this morning and stated no convictions. The register is not mentioned.

For me, however, it's almost irrelevant as I informed my previous employer and they attended court. Too many people know..it's like the Google effect but worse. The Google links can be removed but I cannot un-tell. I'm utterly ruined.

Hi Marcus,
First thank you for your kind words.
In ways, though I know that my life in certain aspects i.e. financially, materialistically and socially, could have been in a more beneficial situation, I now try to look at the aspects of quality I now have, that in fact I probably wouldn't of had, if I hadn't lost my moral compass.

One small insignificant example: my working life had always been my priority, i.e. made me hesitant from taking time off to do such things as traveling to South East Asia. Its ironic that whilst on Police Bail 15 years ago, circa this weekend, I was in Singapore watching the F1 and 2 week into a 3 month backpacking tour of all the countries in S.E.Asia, that within a year I was told I couldn't visit! That was with the Police permission as well which makes me smile.

I've learnt many things about myself, and others, that I feel I am now in such a better place mentally and so health wise. This however does not stop me from periodically feeling regretful, and remorseful concerning those I "hurt" and possibly what I have lost. As I said previously to you, the "quilt" went shortly after my arrest, but my "mental and emotional" pyshcie was just engulfed with "shame", to the extent I very nearly ended everything. It was only the nano thought of my daughter and son that reset my senses and pulled me back from it. This "shame" was because I realised that; though the "system" always focuses on what is termed as the "victim" in an actual offence, in some cases the actual "victim" can be those closest to you i.e. family and trusted friends and telling them hurt so much. 
 
You mentioned you have read my situation, I do hope I've portrayed myself as accepting responsibility for saying "yes" to a question my moral and social instincts should of said no to. Yes I didn't know a legal matter in relation to paying for services, but that was my fault and  at all interviews etc I stressed that; in some ways I do think it helped my "recovery / rehabilitation" from a personal aspect. 

I know my case has caused confusion with the "legal" aspects of my case, and still does to this day, which I have previously written about. Examples are such as -  being grouped with others (whom I had never ever seen before) as a "publicity" act. This lead my ex solicitors to class me as a "joint indictment" case, which which took  2 years contesting to the Legal Aid and my ex solicitor, via the Ombudsman, to actually prove this was not correct and so reduced my costs by circa 20k, The Police were actually very helpful in supporting me to prove this which I always felt strange as it was their "act" that caused the confusion.

I've moved to a part of the country I feel so happy with. I've recreated part of my life but maintaining the basics, I even tell people about "Unlock" and how I post here plus, argue openly that SO's are not always what the "media and Politian's" say they are. However I would never tell anyone about my offence.

The reason being is simply because I have lost family members, friends etc, and that society and so system, is not conducive to allowing me the "life" I have now created to continue.

I know I have not replied to your post in a straight forward manner, but I hope you may see from what I have written, that you can come through this period of turmoil and so confusion, by believing in one thing, yourself.

Good luck and I hope you can transform yourself to hopefully someone that will give you a quality of life that you may not of had previously, but enjoy more.



Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Hi JASB 

You're always the first to respond and I appreciate your measured and productive response. You've clearly been in your situation much longer than I because your have a much longer, in-depth almost resigned perspective. I've read through your story on here and you are a classic example of how the system won't allow you to be fully integrated back into society when it's clear you made a grave mistake but it was that: a mistake which you've more than paid your price for. I'm 2-3 years into the process and I can already see I'm going to end up in exactly the same situation that you're in.  Not only is the system designed to set us up to fail, but if you mess it up in the beginning it's extremely hard to recover.

Mine is a complete horror story. Whilst I committed an offence it was at the lower-end and I believe a jury would have acquitted me at crown court had all the facts come out.  As mentioned, I don't for one minute dismiss the damage done to the victim and I'm wracked with guilt about that because that was the last thing I intended to happen.
1. When I attended the voluntary interview I was advised by the duty solicitor it was a cautionable offence, and if I followed his instructions to admit the offence on a statement and do a no-comment interview I would most likely in his words to obtain an out-of-court disposal. I debated it with him for an hour because I knew the police didn't have the full story. I reluctantly accepted his advice because I decided I could live with a caution.  Of course, I didn't get a caution and I don't think it was ever on the table. To this day, I don't know if I was the victim of collusion or just crap advise.  If I had known no caution was on offer I would have given the police the piece of the story they were missing.

2. Once charged I was then put in touch with who I assumed to be a solicitor through a family contact. My suspicions were aroused from the beginning when I started getting invoices every day. One was even for him looking at human rights legislation regarding my work contract.  Then, when it came around to the hearing the plan was to review the CPS evidence with the aim of reversing my guilty plea at the station. As the CPS were very late in releasing the evidence I was advised my this 'solicitor' to arrive at court without legal representation and request an adjournment. I must have looked like a complete lemon in the dock because, apparently, only an appointed solicitor can request this. The magistrate looked at me like something he'd trodden in and ejected me from the court room giving me an hour to go away and decide my plea.  I was clearly now in a situation where I had little choice but to plead guilty. So, I had ended up never putting my side of the story across. Turns out my 'solicitor' was actually a legal consultant but had no legal qualifications. Just an ex-clerk. I did have a barrister but he was on the periphery. Whilst this legal consultant was well-meaning I should never have been put in that situation in the court.

3. My whole case from start to finish lasted less than 5 months which included an adjourned sentencing for 6 weeks. I was off sick for the vast majority of it. I was in no fit state to work. In retrospect I should have been more of a man about it but everything was on the line and I was incredibly anxious. Everyone's different and people cope in different ways, but I should have just carried on working.   I had all the advantages of no reporting, no ancillary orders, a community sentence, and no desire from the PPU or probation to have interfered with my employment as it was an offence at the lower-end not involving children or vulnerable adults. But I was persuaded I had been obtaining sick pay by deception by not telling my employer what was really going on. I now know this was bullshit...it was no different than having been off sick for mental health reasons.

4. In the end my barrister withdrew from my case because he believed me to be uncooperative. 4 weeks before sentencing I now had to find new legal representation. In his withdrawal letter he reiterated I should send the letter he had drafted to my ex-employer to, in his words, 'initiate dialogue regarding my employment'. 4 weeks before sentencing I suddenly found myself without any legal representation and in a state of panic. I was still covered by a sick note and had even gone through the occupational health process through my employer who concluded I was suffering from acute stress due to a combination of personal and professional reasons. So, I was not actually under any pressure from my ex-employer, and I was only 4 weeks from sentencing where a community order was expected. However, I panicked and I forwarded the letter to my HR department. Not only did I lose my job but a senior executive attended court. They were also exploring an FCA ban for me which I still don't know will ever happen. I had been completely shafted by my own barrister.

The court, probation, police all wanted me to carry on with my employment. That's really the point of a community order. I not only lost my job but my reputation is in tatters. None of this needed to happen and this was an unnecessary punishment.

It's my experience that nobody is truly on your side when it comes to SOs.  Not even your own legal team.

Finally, in the beginning I was foolish enough to tell everyone in my local pub about the case, the charge outcome etc. That was my way of coping. I have since been forced to move away due to loss of employment and housing, but recently returned to say hello. 2 people called me a rapist. If friends in the pub think that what on earth do former colleagues think? Dozens of ex-colleagues now know about my conviction and status. I'm living in constant fear of being outed. 

My advise to anyone...resign or say nothing. Do not tell anyone. It's not the offence that has ruined my life because my DBS is now clean. It's informing people socially and professionally that has destroyed me.

Hi

Going by your words and my own experiences I can understand your current thoughts however, that is all in past past now so try not to over think on it. Easy to say but hard to do I know; but it will get easier.
In regard to the negatives of your experience, try to close those events off in your thoughts as just them "covering themselves". I was offered a contract, then disclosed and then the offer rescinded all within an hour. I walked away after shaking their hands, saying I understood their decisions, and offered my services in the future; even if only over the phone, if they wished. I walked away with my self respect, they appeared to look shamed. 

You made decisions on the information your brain had been presented with; that is not a bad decision.
When the outcome of those decisions is not what you expected; in your case it appears you seemed to have misunderstood the scenario, that is what you have to focus on and learn from. 
As with any decision, you do not know what would of happened if you had taken / made the opposite decision; for all you know it could be a lot worse.

As far as the present and future goes, you just have believe in yourself, in your skills, but especially your mind. Use the self belief of your earlier career years with the knowledge you have now, to rebuild your working choices.
 Do not feel consumed by "guilt" as that period has gone. You will feel "shame" as you declare, or wonder if some one you meet may know. That is natural. Do not let it rule your life. Do not be defensive if asked, just show humility and acknowledge it was an error of judgement. They will not know the facts, and most of society take a default view on SO anyway whatever you say. You know the facts 
You can only now show that it was a mistake by recreating yourself, and not making misjudgements again.

Let those who are closest to you throughout this period and the future, be your supportive guides. Be open and honest with them but, do not over indulge and so drain that support with no positive rewards for them. 

You will be fine as it is a well trod path that many of us here have gone down. We are still on it, and most never leave it, but hopefully over time with a straighter posture due to our self belief.

Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Hi All

I have messaged on here previously regarding my conviction.
To recap, I was convicted of SA (touching) and given a high-level community order which has now ended.  I had been seeing my PO on a monthly basis, but that's now finished. I still have 3 years left on the SOR.  I have no ancillary orders.  I would expect a basic DBS to be clear. There was no media coverage and nothing is online.  I've been having PPU visits every 6 months.

My conduct rules at work required I inform them if I'm charged with an offence. As soon as I was interviewed by the police I got a sick note from the GP which I extended over 3 months beyond the hearing. After the hearing I still hadn't informed my ex-employer and didn't know if I should. Having initially decided to resign before sentencing upon advice from my legal friend, I then received an email from my barrister who was due to represent me at the sentencing. It was generally agreed a custodial sentence was unlikely, but he advised I was effectively committing sick pay fraud in his view so I should actually inform my ex-employer before sentencing. He charged me 300 quid for a letter which detailed the offence and how I had misunderstood the situation. He described the offence in graphic detail mentioning genitalia, and also quoted the act of legislation. He said there would be a chance of keeping my job. Incredibly, he advised me to send my ex-employer the letter 2 weeks before my original sentencing date even though a non-custodial sentence was expected.  My sentencing was then postponed. At the time I was working for a financial services company.