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disclosing when you have a SHPO


disclosing when you have a SHPO

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james gtr manchester
james gtr manchester
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Hi,

Has anyone ever had to disclose a SHPO in a relationship. When do you do it and how??

I'm terrified about forming new relationships as I worry about what impact this would have on a partners life.
Debbie Sadler
Debbie Sadler
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james gtr manchester - 17 Jan 17 9:20 PM
Hi,

Has anyone ever had to disclose a SHPO in a relationship. When do you do it and how??

I'm terrified about forming new relationships as I worry about what impact this would have on a partners life.

Hi James

Not sure whether you've seen the information that we've just put on the information hub on relationships, children and dealing with social services. There's a section on there about disclosing your conviction to a new partner. I guess the 'impact on their lives' will have a lot to do with whether or not they have children and the type of job they do. 

There's a few good stories on theRecord about this which you might want to take a look at.

Good luck.

Debs 

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BadLadBlu
BadLadBlu
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Deb S - 19 Jan 17 5:17 PM
james gtr manchester - 17 Jan 17 9:20 PM
Hi,

Has anyone ever had to disclose a SHPO in a relationship. When do you do it and how??

I'm terrified about forming new relationships as I worry about what impact this would have on a partners life.

Hi James

Not sure whether you've seen the information that we've just put on the information hub on relationships, children and dealing with social services. There's a section on there about disclosing your conviction to a new partner. I guess the 'impact on their lives' will have a lot to do with whether or not they have children and the type of job they do. 

There's a few good stories on theRecord about this which you might want to take a look at.

Good luck.

Debs 

in my experience there is no correct time to disclose, no matter what stage the relationship is at, the main thing is wether the other person is judgemental of not. to date, almost a decade after a minor offence that landed me a registration, every time ive disclosed it in a relationship its caused serious problems or breakups. you really are best off getting it out in the open as early as possible to avoid any later complications or heartache. i have Known my current partner for almost 3 years now, and have been official for just over 2. as i didnt know how the relationship was going to go, i held back on disclosure until i knew we were going to work out. after being together for almost a year i told her because my ex partner was causing problems and was going to tell her anyway.

ever since that day, she has treat me different and despite the authorities clarifying everything ive told her, and them deeming me to "not" be a risk. she judges me on her own terms. as it happens i came on here to read and search for some answers to something similar.

we have been together for quite some time and last night my current partner accused me of sexually abusing her daughter just because when she cam home from work 2 nights ago, the living room blinds were closed and myself and my 12 yo stepdaughter were doing puzzles together. i have children of my own and while i was on the register, i won custody of them, but i took pity on my ex partner and gave her 50/50. since then she has caused nothing but problems and ive now not seen my own children for over a year. 

for the first time in a long time i actually felt like a parent again, having conversations about all kinds of subjects and doing puzzles together, she even asked if we could bake so yesterday we did.

just because we spent some time doing regular things together, my current partner seems to think im sexually abusing a 12yo child.

back to your question though, there really is no right or wrong time to tell someone. just always know that if they judge you on what is written in black and white, and refuse to accept the truth about your conviction (and always tell the truth no matter what) then they are not worth your time and effort. my gf seemed fine with it to begin with. but as time has moved on, she has become judgemental and paranoid. 

tread carefully with who you choose, and disclose early to avoid later disappointment. if someone cant accept 100% who you are and that you have a past then they are never going to be good in a relationship. dont get me wrong, women/men have a fair right to judge and a fair right to worry when someone has such convictions, however, it is unfair for them to hold onto a relationship and accept someone into their life if they are going go allow the past to affect the relationship in such a way that you can not be yourself and be at ease.

having a relationship for over 2 years and then being accused of abuse is absolutely heartbreaking, every time i start to feel normal again something crops up to shoot me back down. try not to let it happen to yourself too.

choose a partner without children, and one without nieces / nephews etc who may sleep over or they spend a lot of time with. things become complicated really fast once you disclose when children are involved, if you do find someone and they have children, be prepared for the shit to hit the fan on a regular basis. 

it is difficult for convicts to live a normal life to begin with, but the chances of living a normal life again after a registration is slim to none unless you find someone really special and who will accept your conviction with silent reproach. im not saying someone who will ignore it completely, after all, there will always remain a risk factor in these cases on a general level within society. but someone who will not hold it against you and throw it in your face if they get the chance.

Runner83
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james gtr manchester - 17 Jan 17 9:20 PM
Hi,

Has anyone ever had to disclose a SHPO in a relationship. When do you do it and how??

I'm terrified about forming new relationships as I worry about what impact this would have on a partners life.

Hi

Please read V3, by John Smith, on Amazon.com.

Here there have been difficulties and there have been problems overcoming these situations.

james gtr manchester
james gtr manchester
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Posts: 37, Visits: 49
BadLadBlu - 29 Jan 17 7:47 AM
Deb S - 19 Jan 17 5:17 PM
james gtr manchester - 17 Jan 17 9:20 PM
Hi,

Has anyone ever had to disclose a SHPO in a relationship. When do you do it and how??

I'm terrified about forming new relationships as I worry about what impact this would have on a partners life.

Hi James

Not sure whether you've seen the information that we've just put on the information hub on relationships, children and dealing with social services. There's a section on there about disclosing your conviction to a new partner. I guess the 'impact on their lives' will have a lot to do with whether or not they have children and the type of job they do. 

There's a few good stories on theRecord about this which you might want to take a look at.

Good luck.

Debs 

in my experience there is no correct time to disclose, no matter what stage the relationship is at, the main thing is wether the other person is judgemental of not. to date, almost a decade after a minor offence that landed me a registration, every time ive disclosed it in a relationship its caused serious problems or breakups. you really are best off getting it out in the open as early as possible to avoid any later complications or heartache. i have Known my current partner for almost 3 years now, and have been official for just over 2. as i didnt know how the relationship was going to go, i held back on disclosure until i knew we were going to work out. after being together for almost a year i told her because my ex partner was causing problems and was going to tell her anyway.

ever since that day, she has treat me different and despite the authorities clarifying everything ive told her, and them deeming me to "not" be a risk. she judges me on her own terms. as it happens i came on here to read and search for some answers to something similar.

we have been together for quite some time and last night my current partner accused me of sexually abusing her daughter just because when she cam home from work 2 nights ago, the living room blinds were closed and myself and my 12 yo stepdaughter were doing puzzles together. i have children of my own and while i was on the register, i won custody of them, but i took pity on my ex partner and gave her 50/50. since then she has caused nothing but problems and ive now not seen my own children for over a year. 

for the first time in a long time i actually felt like a parent again, having conversations about all kinds of subjects and doing puzzles together, she even asked if we could bake so yesterday we did.

just because we spent some time doing regular things together, my current partner seems to think im sexually abusing a 12yo child.

back to your question though, there really is no right or wrong time to tell someone. just always know that if they judge you on what is written in black and white, and refuse to accept the truth about your conviction (and always tell the truth no matter what) then they are not worth your time and effort. my gf seemed fine with it to begin with. but as time has moved on, she has become judgemental and paranoid. 

tread carefully with who you choose, and disclose early to avoid later disappointment. if someone cant accept 100% who you are and that you have a past then they are never going to be good in a relationship. dont get me wrong, women/men have a fair right to judge and a fair right to worry when someone has such convictions, however, it is unfair for them to hold onto a relationship and accept someone into their life if they are going go allow the past to affect the relationship in such a way that you can not be yourself and be at ease.

having a relationship for over 2 years and then being accused of abuse is absolutely heartbreaking, every time i start to feel normal again something crops up to shoot me back down. try not to let it happen to yourself too.

choose a partner without children, and one without nieces / nephews etc who may sleep over or they spend a lot of time with. things become complicated really fast once you disclose when children are involved, if you do find someone and they have children, be prepared for the shit to hit the fan on a regular basis. 

it is difficult for convicts to live a normal life to begin with, but the chances of living a normal life again after a registration is slim to none unless you find someone really special and who will accept your conviction with silent reproach. im not saying someone who will ignore it completely, after all, there will always remain a risk factor in these cases on a general level within society. but someone who will not hold it against you and throw it in your face if they get the chance.

Hi,

Sorry to hear that, mine was a download offence, i'm undergoing private therapy. "working" with probation who are trying to take my down a route that is different to the one i'm going down with my therapist.

Whole thing is crazy they use a model, and you HAVE to fit that model
GO


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