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dragonfly4
dragonfly4
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Posts: 6, Visits: 102

Hi I feel I need to talk to someone about what I'm currently going through with my partner. I want to gain some advice and insight from other SO in how to prepare for the future.... I'll try and explain as briefly as possible. My partner has been investigated over historic SA claim from when he was around 12 he touched his younger cousin twice. He admitted to it at the time and apologised and has apologised to her multiple times since then and says he wishes he could take it back and if he can amends for what he did all she needed to was say. He says it was done out of curiosity and he had an infatuation. He doesn't have any attraction or issues. Nothing has happened since then and him and his cousin have a good relationship, catch up at parties, hang out for drinks etc whenever we visit families.

Fast forward 18 years later to November last year three weeks after we get married he gets a phone call saying there's been a historic allegation.
I didn't know until he was called for interview months later. I was upset but understood it was done out of curiosity than any malicious intention. He pleaded guilty and I've written a supportive statement saying we still want to help provide restorative justice to the victim and he's of good character, kind, loving and supportive this was a mistake done by an adolescent.

His cousin has never spoken to him about it or made anyone aware she was upset. Things aren't awkward between them or she doesn't avoid him or anything like that like i said they have a friendly relationship which makes this hard to get my head round. This was done out the blue. I can only guess it might have been brought up with him marrying and moving on. She also threw a strop because we couldn't fit her boyfriend in on as a day guest. Shes had lots of other things happen to her especially with her parents - shes not had the best home environment. Whilst I understand to some degree the need to talk about her experiences, I struggle with the fact she waited till specifically after he was married - to me it feels vengeful but perhaps i'm just speaking out of hurt. I just wish she'd have at least made him aware she was upset and made clear what outcome she wants, if she wanted to not see him again all she had to do was ask. I can't agree with the route taken.

My husband is a kind and loving man, myself, his immediate family and my family are sticking with him whatever the outcome. He's supported me through my own trauma with SA, rape abuse etc these were done by adults mostly when I was16-23 that have never apologised for what they did or even had a hint of accountability even when I confronted them...other words the worst of the worst. I will never be able to take those to court because they'd just deny it.
I wouldn't be sticking with him if I thought he lacked remorse.

We've both struggled with suicidal thoughts and have tried to remain positive in the past months -the not knowing is the hardest we just want to move on and piece together what life we have left. The issue is he is our main income on min wage as I have a disability (poor hearing) and have struggled to get work despite having two degrees. I'm sorry for the rant I just needed to talk to people who've been through this. We've built a life, community and friends and I'm expecting to lose all that.

It pains me to see my husband someone who's a good man and supported me through my recovery to potentially be labelled as the worst of the worst for life for a mistake he made at 12.
I've been trawling the web trying to come up with plans, does he change is name, do we move? For safety has anyone with SO had their house attacked or been attacked in public?
Any advice you can give I'd appreciate.
We;re awaiting a decision from CPS, its likely it will go to court although I'm hoping it doesn't...its unlikely.
Its not the start to married life we wanted but we just have to deal with it.
Sorry for the long post.


Simon1983
Simon1983
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Posts: 135, Visits: 3.8K
Please keep us updated and if you have questions please ask, Zack make a good point, what needs to be looked at is his age at the time and the age of criminal responsibility at the time the offence took place.

Stay safe
GO


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