Hey there, 
It was towards the end. My sentence became spent in 2023, I started training around mid-2022 I want to say? Thereabouts.

Sorry to hijack this thread, but I've also been thinking of getting into RPA. Can I ask, khafka, did you get work in RPA while your conviction was unspent? I know it's different for everyone but I just wanted to see what's possible after I'm convicted.

I'll definitely look in to that. It sounds really interesting. Currently training in DevOps, infrastructure as code, terraform, bicep, azure pipelines etc. Now sounds like a really good time go out on my own. 

That's fair, I totally understand. I've been advised to do as many as I can as it will help with sentencing, shows remorse and willingness to address. I know how remorseful I am and what I need to do / have done to address it, but I don't think they will take my word for it. 

Ah if you work in that realm RPA should be a piece of cake! 

The main bit of kit I use and is basically industry standard is UiPath, lots of great resources for learning it and you can download it for free to have a play around. I'd honestly never even heard about it until about 2021 haha. 

I'll be honest that I never really sought any kind of third-party help, I knew what I did and why I did it and how I was going to address it and what steps I needed to do so I didn't feel I'd honestly get much use out of them.

COVID would be a really good way to dodge it all. I think with the world going to sh*t at the moment I'm hoping to go under the radar. Divorce is in progress, house sale is going to dealt with at the end of the year. I have a place to stay, moving back with the mother, that's a little embarrassing, but its a place to stay. I also have a camper van to get away on the weekends. 

I work in IT, cloud infrastructure, I might look in to your line of work, sorry to steal it from you, ha. I've seen some places on the Ban The Box that could also be an option, Or a smaller internal IT job for a small business. I've done some contracting in the past. Just need to get my head around it. 

Did you contact Safer Lives before or after your trial?

I've not said a thing and do not plan to. I plan to look for other work before I need to say anything. 

Have you already informed your employer? If not, don't. I did and they ended up putting a senior manager in the court hearing....I am permanently buggered as a result.  Resign or say nothing.

I was incredibly fortunate that I was arrested and dealt with right as COVID hit. I was sentenced in Feb 2020 and I think lockdowns started around March 2020 from memory? So I had a good excuse to stay indoors and keep my head down. I actually lost my job a few months prior as I was eventually reported on in a local paper which one of my work colleagues noticed and you know how these things go...

As for a new job, I retrained into RPA (Robotic process automation) basically making little bits of software for companies to use to automate stuff. If you have a passing interest in computers and a basic understanding of C# I recommend giving it a look, I'm seeing more and more jobs in this space opening up so I think it's still fairly fresh so easier to get in on the ground level. Not as much money as I was earning before, granted, but I work from home so that reduces my commuting costs as well as at least putting food on the table.

I don't mind anyone asking about my charges! 

I was charged and convicted (I pled guilty) on possession of indecent images. I was sentenced to 120hrs community resolution order, 3 years subject to notification requirements, and to take part in a sexual offences rehab course thing. 

Got through it all fine enough for the most part and I'm no longer on the registry, sentence is now spent, and I'm back to being a 'free' man as it were... I'm more than happy to answer any questions you may have as long as they don't potentially dox me! haha But keep in mind I'm up in Scotland so the legal system is ever so slightly different to England and Wales in some aspects.

Hi Khafka,

Thank you for the reply.

Porn addiction is crazy and I really didn't know how bad it was until I looked back on it. I was looking at some form of naked / half naked woman on my phone at every chance I could. I would be sat on the sofa, with the family in the room, looking at Instagram or NSFW reddit subs. I'd be working the home office and have my personal laptop open to one side with NSFW material playing. 

How did you manage finding a new job? I can only assume I will lose my job, and I'm already preempting the lose and looking at alternative jobs or moving away. 

If you don't mind me asking, what was your charges? I'm crapping myself with my potential charges. 

Thank you for the response, it means so much. I have been isolated for 18 months and have been living with so much weight and fear. 

Porn addiction is crazy, especially when you mix it with alcohol use and loneliness, even though I was married, there was zero affection.

Annoyingly, I was already getting it all under control after an exceptionally bad night on booze and drugs, where I came in the house, banging around and was an absolute gurning mess. Which really upset my wife. I decided enough is enough. 

For the several months leading up to the "knock", I was a perfect husband, no drink or drugs, deleted all the apps, stopped watching porn. 

But the damage was already done. 

Great bit of advise. I didn't have solicitor at the first interview, as i was told it was more a formality, and just a casual interview. I was dumb and scared. Especially as I genuinely didn't know about the material I had downloaded, and I certainly didn't remember the photos. As soon as I came out and spoke with the wife, she suggested getting a private solicitor who specializes in these cases and is local, so knows the police etc.

I've been in counseling since, had my diagnosis of AuDHD, taken the courses on Stopitnow. 

Did you complete the courses? Are there any other steps you would suggest I take?


 

Hi Sully,

Thanks for sharing! Your story is sadly all too common; things spiralling from a pornography addiction which was further facilitated by alcohol/substance abuse. 

You are in good company here, I myself, was convicted of an images offence which was brought on by a porn addiction which I used to help with stress and mood levels as well as abusing alcohol. Just a perfect storm really.

What I can say though is there is hope afterwards. Like many I lost my job, friends, all that stuff but years on now I'm in a much better overall mental state than I was at the time. It really gave me that proverbial boot up the arse I needed to sort my life out. The scariest thing I found was the 'not knowing', a lot of those caught with images are first-time offenders and have little to no experience with the legal system so trying to navigate it all can be scary! There's loads of support and stories on here which I hope can help you out. 

Porn addiction is no small thing, much like in your situation. It has lead from one thing, to another, then another. You fell into a trap not many will talk about.

The fact you are sharing your story here with us is a good step to addressing the issues. It is unfortunate that ultimately it was the "knock" and going through this process with Police that has made you realise these issues.
There really is no point blaming yourself, don't waste time and energy on what has happened, instead focus on what can happen from this point forward. Work on your issues, document everything you do to work on your issues including progress. What is lost can be found again

One bit of advice I would give you, If you took the free duty solicitor Police offered you or rejected it, find a solicitor who specializes in cases such as yours. If you can afford one then great, if not find a solicitor who will allow Legal Aid.

Got the knock at 9am on December 17th, completely shocked. My IP address was flagged accessing a torrent site that also contained IIOC. Although I was not looking for IIOC, I was downloading porn packs without doing any checks on what these could contain. Although I didn’t see any IIOC as I would delete these porn packs as soon as they were no longer required, I was downloading at a rate that would contribute to the popularity of these packs. 

Since the pandemic, I have been working from home full-time, often without meaningful social contact, and I became obsessed with porn. I would look at Instagram models and Onlyfans leaked content, all the time. I would find a model I liked and download all of their content from as many sites as I could find. I had folders and folders of photos. I could spend hours a day downloading them. I never did anything with them, it was like collecting pokemon cards, I just needed to have all of the photos. I had browser add ons that let me click one button and it would download all of the images in one go. 

On one of the IG models posts, someone commented that she had nudes that had leaked and that was it, I went off searching. I found a link to these leaks and downloaded them and added them to my collection. I have since found out that some of those leaks were from when this model was 16/17. I take full responsibility for not checking and blindly trusting links on the internet. 

I’ve had a pattern of compulsive sexual behavior that began at a very young age. My early exposure to sexuality was shaped by childhood sexual abuse, which I believe contributed to confusion around boundaries and a tendency toward hypersexuality. Over time, this developed into a problematic reliance on pornography.

I had my second interview this week. They found what I was expecting, but they also found something I wasn’t expecting, two instances where I had taken a photo of my 12yo step daughter's clothed bum sticking out of her duvet covers when she was asleep, thinking it was funny.  These were taken and deleted almost instantly as I realized it could be taken as creepy and not funny. I was using alcohol more than I let on, I would hide rum in the garage and sneak out top up my drinks daily. And would take in drug use when out with friends. The dates and times seem to match up from when I was drinking heavily and night out on drink and drugs. These reduced my inhibitions and impaired my judgment. But I did it nonetheless, I let myself get addicted to porn, blurring the lines of what is acceptable, I let myself get drunk and took drugs that caused this lapse of judgement. I can only imagine I saw it as another photo to add to my collection. I did this with the wife too, if she were asleep and her bum was out, I would take photos, or from under the covers, I would take photos.

I feel so ashamed, my wife, who has been fantastic throughout this process, no longer wants to talk to me, I do not blame her. I have broken her trust, I’ve broken my daughters trust. I cannot imagine how they feel. I’ve also used a screen to dissociate myself from the content, but I crossed that line. I hate myself so much! 

When I look at the situation as a whole, I can see a pattern: isolation, low mood, substance use, and compulsive habits all combined to lower my ability to make safe decisions. I moved from seeking distraction or relief into behavior that crossed a serious line.Even understanding these factors, I recognize that I am responsible for what I did. These influences help explain the context, but they do not excuse the harm.

What matters now is what I do next. I need to address the underlying issues directly: seeking professional help for depression, addiction, and trauma; getting properly assessed for ADHD; reducing isolation; and putting safeguards in place around my behavior and internet use. My focus is on accountability, change, and preventing any possibility of repeating this.
Thank you for reading, I really don't know what to do with myself, I've lost everything, and it's all my fault.