|
lotsofquer
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 119,
Visits: 3.4K
|
Hi
I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept.
I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well.
To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak.
Thanks
|
|
AB2014
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 1K,
Visits: 6.9K
|
+xHi I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept. I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well. To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak. Thanks There are other discussions about this on the relevant section of the Forum. In this case, if you end up on the SOR, then the police will be interested in any contact with anyone under the age of 18. They will probably report any such contact to Child Services for their consideration. If you get some kind of SHPO, there will probably be some reference to unsupervised contact, which the police define as "not supervised by one of the police, probation or social services." Approved contact might involve written consent from the parents/guardians. Any conversation with your family would be on a different basis, unless they also have children (under-18s). Of course, some countries on the other side of the world are very clear about not admitting anyone with certain types of offence on their record.
=========================================================================================================
If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)
|
|
lotsofquer
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 119,
Visits: 3.4K
|
+x+xHi I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept. I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well. To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak. Thanks There are other discussions about this on the relevant section of the Forum. In this case, if you end up on the SOR, then the police will be interested in any contact with anyone under the age of 18. They will probably report any such contact to Child Services for their consideration. If you get some kind of SHPO, there will probably be some reference to unsupervised contact, which the police define as "not supervised by one of the police, probation or social services." Approved contact might involve written consent from the parents/guardians. Any conversation with your family would be on a different basis, unless they also have children (under-18s). Of course, some countries on the other side of the world are very clear about not admitting anyone with certain types of offence on their record. Thanks for the response. I haven't managed to find any discussions on here yet about disclosing to either friends or family. Which part of the forum are you referencing? At this stage I'm expecting to end up on the SOR and outside of going to my friends houses I have no contact with children of any kind. None of my family have children either and they are on the other side of the world. I understand that countries won't let someone with a criminal record in and that's another consequence as I won't be able to retire in the country I was planning to or travel with friends as I used to. I am a citizen of both this country and another so I will be allowed back in there (provided I take flights not through the USA) but I obviously can't move back there anytime soon and likely for a long time after any sentence.
|
|
AB2014
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 1K,
Visits: 6.9K
|
+x+x+xHi I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept. I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well. To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak. Thanks There are other discussions about this on the relevant section of the Forum. In this case, if you end up on the SOR, then the police will be interested in any contact with anyone under the age of 18. They will probably report any such contact to Child Services for their consideration. If you get some kind of SHPO, there will probably be some reference to unsupervised contact, which the police define as "not supervised by one of the police, probation or social services." Approved contact might involve written consent from the parents/guardians. Any conversation with your family would be on a different basis, unless they also have children (under-18s). Of course, some countries on the other side of the world are very clear about not admitting anyone with certain types of offence on their record. Thanks for the response. I haven't managed to find any discussions on here yet about disclosing to either friends or family. Which part of the forum are you referencing? At this stage I'm expecting to end up on the SOR and outside of going to my friends houses I have no contact with children of any kind. None of my family have children either and they are on the other side of the world. I understand that countries won't let someone with a criminal record in and that's another consequence as I won't be able to retire in the country I was planning to or travel with friends as I used to. I am a citizen of both this country and another so I will be allowed back in there (provided I take flights not through the USA) but I obviously can't move back there anytime soon and likely for a long time after any sentence. That section is here.
=========================================================================================================
If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)
|
|
lotsofquer
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 119,
Visits: 3.4K
|
+x+x+x+xHi I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept. I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well. To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak. Thanks There are other discussions about this on the relevant section of the Forum. In this case, if you end up on the SOR, then the police will be interested in any contact with anyone under the age of 18. They will probably report any such contact to Child Services for their consideration. If you get some kind of SHPO, there will probably be some reference to unsupervised contact, which the police define as "not supervised by one of the police, probation or social services." Approved contact might involve written consent from the parents/guardians. Any conversation with your family would be on a different basis, unless they also have children (under-18s). Of course, some countries on the other side of the world are very clear about not admitting anyone with certain types of offence on their record. Thanks for the response. I haven't managed to find any discussions on here yet about disclosing to either friends or family. Which part of the forum are you referencing? At this stage I'm expecting to end up on the SOR and outside of going to my friends houses I have no contact with children of any kind. None of my family have children either and they are on the other side of the world. I understand that countries won't let someone with a criminal record in and that's another consequence as I won't be able to retire in the country I was planning to or travel with friends as I used to. I am a citizen of both this country and another so I will be allowed back in there (provided I take flights not through the USA) but I obviously can't move back there anytime soon and likely for a long time after any sentence. That section is here. Thanks. I couldn't find anything specifically on how to disclosing to friends or family after arrest (only to new partners after conviction). Perhaps I should post in that section instead of this one - is that what you're saying? Thanks again
|
|
AB2014
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 1K,
Visits: 6.9K
|
+x+x+x+x+xHi I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept. I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well. To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak. Thanks There are other discussions about this on the relevant section of the Forum. In this case, if you end up on the SOR, then the police will be interested in any contact with anyone under the age of 18. They will probably report any such contact to Child Services for their consideration. If you get some kind of SHPO, there will probably be some reference to unsupervised contact, which the police define as "not supervised by one of the police, probation or social services." Approved contact might involve written consent from the parents/guardians. Any conversation with your family would be on a different basis, unless they also have children (under-18s). Of course, some countries on the other side of the world are very clear about not admitting anyone with certain types of offence on their record. Thanks for the response. I haven't managed to find any discussions on here yet about disclosing to either friends or family. Which part of the forum are you referencing? At this stage I'm expecting to end up on the SOR and outside of going to my friends houses I have no contact with children of any kind. None of my family have children either and they are on the other side of the world. I understand that countries won't let someone with a criminal record in and that's another consequence as I won't be able to retire in the country I was planning to or travel with friends as I used to. I am a citizen of both this country and another so I will be allowed back in there (provided I take flights not through the USA) but I obviously can't move back there anytime soon and likely for a long time after any sentence. That section is here. Thanks. I couldn't find anything specifically on how to disclosing to friends or family after arrest (only to new partners after conviction). Perhaps I should post in that section instead of this one - is that what you're saying? Thanks again Well, you're here now. You could ask Debbie to move this thread into that section, but any future posts about anything relating to this category would be better done in that section.
=========================================================================================================
If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)
|
|
lotsofquer
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 119,
Visits: 3.4K
|
+x+x+x+x+x+xHi I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept. I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well. To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak. Thanks There are other discussions about this on the relevant section of the Forum. In this case, if you end up on the SOR, then the police will be interested in any contact with anyone under the age of 18. They will probably report any such contact to Child Services for their consideration. If you get some kind of SHPO, there will probably be some reference to unsupervised contact, which the police define as "not supervised by one of the police, probation or social services." Approved contact might involve written consent from the parents/guardians. Any conversation with your family would be on a different basis, unless they also have children (under-18s). Of course, some countries on the other side of the world are very clear about not admitting anyone with certain types of offence on their record. Thanks for the response. I haven't managed to find any discussions on here yet about disclosing to either friends or family. Which part of the forum are you referencing? At this stage I'm expecting to end up on the SOR and outside of going to my friends houses I have no contact with children of any kind. None of my family have children either and they are on the other side of the world. I understand that countries won't let someone with a criminal record in and that's another consequence as I won't be able to retire in the country I was planning to or travel with friends as I used to. I am a citizen of both this country and another so I will be allowed back in there (provided I take flights not through the USA) but I obviously can't move back there anytime soon and likely for a long time after any sentence. That section is here. Thanks. I couldn't find anything specifically on how to disclosing to friends or family after arrest (only to new partners after conviction). Perhaps I should post in that section instead of this one - is that what you're saying? Thanks again Well, you're here now. You could ask Debbie to move this thread into that section, but any future posts about anything relating to this category would be better done in that section. How do I ask Debbie to do that?
|
|
AB2014
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 1K,
Visits: 6.9K
|
+x+x+x+x+x+x+xHi I found Unlock and theForum after I was arrested last year and it's been a great source of information to date however I do have some questions for people who have been through what I'm going through at the moment. Prior to being arrested I hadn't in all my years had any real interaction with the police let alone the justice system and while I haven't been convicted (or even charged yet) I do consider myself and ex-offender already in that I will never do what I've done again. I realise that while I will never offend again there will be serious punishment and endless consequences to come which I accept. I was arrested late last year for a sex offence and yes devices taken away etc. I haven't yet told anyone that I was arrested let alone what it is for. I wanted to tell some people in the immediate weeks following my arrest however my therapist (who I started seeing the week after my arrest) advised me to hold off due to the state I was in and that it would likely bring more questions than any answers I had at the time. It seemed a wise thing to do however I know that I will have to tell people at some point. While I've written out what I want to say and how I ended up at such a dark place I have no idea how to actually start such a conversation with friends let alone family. I have a few close friends in this country (including my best friend who I've known since we were 11) however my family are all on the other side of the world. I am going back there in March so I would like to tell my father at that time as well. To make matters worse (if that's the right word) most of my close friends have children and while my offences were never kids (it was mid teen up - not that it matters it's still illegal) I'm really not sure how they will take it. I realise that I may well lose all my friends that I tell over here and that's something which I'll accept and respect but that doesn't make it any easier to start the conversation. The same being true of having the conversation with my Dad. While I have lots and lots of questions (given I'm only at the start of things to come) the main one I'm concerned with at the moment is some advice or guidance as to how to approach telling my friends from those who have been through disclosing such things and come out the other side (whether good or bad) so to speak. Thanks There are other discussions about this on the relevant section of the Forum. In this case, if you end up on the SOR, then the police will be interested in any contact with anyone under the age of 18. They will probably report any such contact to Child Services for their consideration. If you get some kind of SHPO, there will probably be some reference to unsupervised contact, which the police define as "not supervised by one of the police, probation or social services." Approved contact might involve written consent from the parents/guardians. Any conversation with your family would be on a different basis, unless they also have children (under-18s). Of course, some countries on the other side of the world are very clear about not admitting anyone with certain types of offence on their record. Thanks for the response. I haven't managed to find any discussions on here yet about disclosing to either friends or family. Which part of the forum are you referencing? At this stage I'm expecting to end up on the SOR and outside of going to my friends houses I have no contact with children of any kind. None of my family have children either and they are on the other side of the world. I understand that countries won't let someone with a criminal record in and that's another consequence as I won't be able to retire in the country I was planning to or travel with friends as I used to. I am a citizen of both this country and another so I will be allowed back in there (provided I take flights not through the USA) but I obviously can't move back there anytime soon and likely for a long time after any sentence. That section is here. Thanks. I couldn't find anything specifically on how to disclosing to friends or family after arrest (only to new partners after conviction). Perhaps I should post in that section instead of this one - is that what you're saying? Thanks again Well, you're here now. You could ask Debbie to move this thread into that section, but any future posts about anything relating to this category would be better done in that section. How do I ask Debbie to do that? Email forum@unlock.org.uk
=========================================================================================================
If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)
|
|
Jamie7718
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 20,
Visits: 1.3K
|
Hello. Are you still here? I'm in the exact same boat as you. Did you not contact the stop it now charity?
|
|
lotsofquer
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Posts: 119,
Visits: 3.4K
|
Hi Posted in a different area as it couldn’t be moved. https://forum.unlock.org.uk/Topic27137.aspx
|