Hi all,

I found this on the BBC website. Addiction

It is a video report by  Addiction specialist and author Gabor Mate who says dealing with past trauma may be the key to breaking addiction

We have all read about how "sex" is not seen as an addiction but this gent disagrees.
It is only 3 mins long but may help with further research.

keep safe




Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Whilst any academic exercise in this area is worthwhile in terms of examining the human condition, unless an idyllic childhood and a great career are also deemed trauma, then they are simply case studies of individuals of statistical insignificance given the 7 billion alive on this planet. I personally know of two drug related deaths where the only conclusion was WTF and their addiction was what could only be described as prolonged misadventure. Yes, maybe something was missing from their lives but that's not trauma so dealing with it is not a universal solution.

It may be for some. Humans are complicated.

"maybe something was missing from their lives but that's not trauma"

You are right to say that this is not trauma, because the 'something missing' is the effect of the trauma, not the trauma itself. The trauma probably occured much earlier in their lives and it had a long lasting effect on them, which they tried, and failed, to fix, using the drugs.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201509/the-opposite-addiction-is-connection

Interesting short video on addiction.  I don't agree with the statement made that every addict was trumatised in childhood however.

The best way that I've heard it put is "Addiction is the absence of connection" but that may not cover every scenario either.

Hi

Never to be dismissive of someone's opinion, but no one has said anything is a universal solution! You are quite correct to say humans are complicated and that therefore makes it impossible for a universal solution. 

We could say that "death" is the only solution universally, but then accepting that does not allow human beings to try and understand themselves, which means we will not psychologically develop.

I am sorry to say but you are wrong to say "Yes, maybe something was missing from their lives but that's not trauma", as you do not know what may be missing. Was it parental love and attention, was it misguided psychological development guidance concerning sexual related boundaries for example?

The word trauma can be used to encapsulate so many harmful events in a human beings development

An event can have unforeseen consequences that may not appear for many years or seem logically connected, that is assumed/recognised by our limited understanding of our minds emotional processes. 
Would you say that serving in Northern Ireland in the '70's and the tragic events I saw was not trauma?
Would you say the "sexual" beliefs instilled in me as a child/teenager did not have a "traumatic" effect therefore inhibiting my ability to create a loving and bonding relationship but accept that prostitution as morally ok?

I understand now so much more about how my past and early life development and beliefs allowed my offence to not only be created but occur with my assumption it was OK.

The main point for creating the post was to show that certain experts believe "sex addiction" is as valid as "drug addiction" and so society needs to recognize that in the same manner.

Keep safe






Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

In terms of the 'official' view, namely that of the WHO, compulsive sexual behaviour disorder is not included in the ICD-11grouping of disorders due to substance use and addictive behaviours, but rather in that of impulse control disorders. So it is not technically an addiction, but it is still a mental disorder with devastating consequences, for some people.

There are differing views of whether it is, or is not, an addiction. The NHS recognises internet addiction, but does not recognise porn addiction for example. The WHO recognises both online gaming and gambling as addictive behaviors, but not sex or porn addiction.

I have included a couple of links to the different points of view.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2018/05/its-official-compulsive-sexual-behavior-sex-addiction-gets-a-diagnosis/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201801/compulsive-sexual-behavior-disorder-in-icd-11

Hi
Always a pleasure to read info from a sound source.

My point overall with this article was purely to show some experts consider it to be an addiction. The hope is that this perspective will grow and change more beliefs.
We have to remember that previously, many did not believe a person was an addict to something because it was something they appeared to willing partake in. Understanding prompted by a single individual effectively changed that as others believed their evidence and reasoning.

All we can hope is the belief in this topic grows.

Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
------------------------------

This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Going off at a bit of a tangent, I had many conversations in prison prompted by sensationalist media coverage. Some of it said SOs are bad, while others said SOs are mad. Either way, it can be dealt with, as bad allows for rehabilitation, while mad allows for treatment. Neither really happens, and the terms were used to dismiss SOs rather than start a debate on how to bring SOs back into the fold. Any reasonable discussion of this and related subjects should be encouraged, but I suspect we'll be waiting a while for that to happen.

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If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)

My favourite quote, from a sex offender treatment program in the USA, is "Hurt people, hurt people". In other words, the people who commit offences and harm others, have usually been harmed themselves.

So most are neither bad or mad, but they are damaged. That damage, or trauma, affects the way that they interact with other people,or deal with certaain situations and it is this that usually leads to them offending.

Society likes quick and easy labels, like mad or bad, because then they don't have to engage with the complex causes of crime, or acknowledge that many offenders have been failed by the same society which now demonises them.

If you look at the people on probation or in prison, as a group, they are far more likely than the non offending population to have been in the care system, far more likely to have been excluded from school, far more likely to have a mental health condition and far more likely to have suffered some form of childhood trauma, which could be physical, sexual or emotional abuse.

All of these things have an effect on somebody's ability to cope with life's stressors and their ability to form meaningful long term relationships with other people. When these people go 'off the rails' and commit an offence, it's usually in response to an event in their lives which they find very stressful and that they can't cope with. The most common coping techniques that you see among offenders are anger/violence and alcohol/drugs, plus, in the case of SO nowadays, porn.

All of these are unhealthy attempts at problem solving or coping. They tend to resolve issues in the short term, but lead to long term consequences, like addiction, or in the case of violence and anger, to a life full of short lived and unfulfilling relationships.

That's why so much of probation's work is targetted at teaching offenders problem solving skills and emotional coping techniques. It's so that the next time they get stressed, they deal with it in a healthy way.

As a recovering addict myself from porn and narcotics and speaking to many other addicts of different backgrounds and usage history, the only thing i can confirm in all honesty is, addiction is real whether that be behavioural or substance.

I know many people who have had terrible childhoods, equally others who have grown up with everything they need, family, support, material things, friends etc.

for me, using porn initially was out of curiosity until it became necessity at the expense of other more meaningful things in life, however cocaine was offered to me when i was in an already vulnerable state having to deal with my mother dying from breast cancer but at the same time not feeling able to talk about it and 'putting on a brave face' inside i was crumbling though and narcotics seemed like a welcome escape until that very thing became the thing i wanted to escape from.

I know i am an addict that is just part of how my brain works, today i've learned to see it as a positive in that it carries over to things like my career, whereby i surround myself with everything to do with construction, constantly learning, perusing the screwfix catalogue and fantasising about the next power tool i want to buy. All this behaviour has been re-routed but it needs constant work, which is why i attend 12 step meetings.

There is also a lot of truth in the statement 'the opposite of addiction is connection' So when we become emotionally isolated, certain needs aren't being met such as companionship, love, sense of purpose, intimacy etc. It can often lead to trying to find a substance misuse approach to try and make us freel better or we turn to other behaviours such as watching too  much porn. the initial pleasure is soon lost during the come down when we have to face reality again. I have found that much of recovery is about learning to deal with life on lifes terms. understanding your emotions and being able to have a positive outlet such as being able to share stuff with people in confidence.

For anyone out there struggling with addiction or poor coping behaviours, please don't give up. Despite all the naysayers there are people out there who want to help and who will love you until you can learn to love yourself.