That's true, and threats putting someone in fear of violence is common assault, and could be seen as affray. The police might not be sympathetic, but if you report all this and they ignore it, they're laying themselves open to trouble if something does happen. I suspect these vigilantes just want to feel big by scaring you.


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If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)

It's worth saying that harassment is harassment and jumped up vigilantes have no right to engage in criminal behaviour. So if credible threats have been made towards you you have every right to report it to the police. 

Thanks very much khafka, that's some really good advice about getting out the house. I'll hopefully be able to build myself up to that soon.

I managed a little bit of self-care today and also decided to start a sort of journal. Just writing down my thoughts and feelings as often as I can, hopefully every day, and rating how positive/negative I feel that day. I'm not sure if it'll help but at least it's giving me something to do.

I think we can all attest about the fears of leaving the house, at least in the early days. It feels like you're walking about with a flashing neon sign above your head "SEX OFFENDER!".

What I did to try and force myself out was purposely miss stuff on my online grocery shop, small stuff like milk or toilet roll. So unless I wanted to wipe my bum with my bath towels I had to leave the house to get some. I started off going early in the morning or later at night when the shop and streets would be typically quieter and slowly built up from there. I'd also then go for a wee walks with a flask of coffee or something and chill out somewhere (there's a nice wee river near me with some benches), again, it forced me out but my home wasn't a million miles away so I can easily get back.

By all means, talk about your wife and kids. They're important and matter too! 

I wish I could give you some advice on your sentencing to ease you a bit but honestly anything I suggest would just be purely speculation and I don't want to give off any potential false hope or misleading advice on this front.

Don't lose the faith though! You have like-minded friends on here, I'm terminally online and always check in on the forums so I'll always be floating about to lend an ear! We'll get through this.

Thanks again khafka. I've been really low again recently but I've scraped by for now.

I'm now in temporary accommodation in a place where I feel safer but at the same time, it's the first time I've been completely alone since "the knock", which hasn't been good for my mental health. But at least I'm not burdening anyone else with my presence.

I'm still scared to go outside but I know I'll need to do that eventually, I just need to build myself up to it.

My biggest mental struggles at the moment are the effects this situation has had on my wife and kids, as well as a lot of financial worries. I'm prepared to accept whichever legal punishment I receive,  I just wish I knew what the sentence is going to be so my wife and kids can prepare for that. I love them so much but I have no idea how to help them, if that's ever even possible. I know a lot of people on here don't have a wife and/or kids, but I suppose I just feel the need to talk about it.

As I say, mate. This is the worst bit, I'm sure most on here would agree. 

At least you're getting some sick pay out of it! I got suspended pending an investigation which lasted about 1 day and I was sacked for gross misconduct. I knew the job loss was coming so it wasn't a huge shock but still felt a bit shitty how quickly it all happened, they clearly had no intention of not sacking me so the HR meetings and stuff just felt like theatre. 

The Facebook group thing is interesting. Without knowing the full details I can only jump to conclusions and assumptions. 

There is hope beyond all this, I know it doesn't seem like it but there is. Beyond losing some friends my life has gone back to pretty much normal again. You might've seen my other posts but I've managed to get all the dodgy stuff wiped from Google results as well which is a big help - We're fortunate in the UK to have the ability to basically force that through GDPR. 

This forum is good and the regulars were a great resource for me during my sentence.

Thank you for your responses, they have been really helpful.

I had considered calling Samaritans but I can't always talk on the phone as various people come in and out of the environment I'm in, and I wouldn't want them overhearing anything. I texted Shout but tbh they just gave me more generic advice.

One particular threat I received was very personal in nature, and it made me believe it, but I can only hope it was made to inspire fear. If so, it definitely worked.

I've used Diazepam to help calm me down in some situations. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But that's all my GP would really offer me.

khafka, your response regarding Facebook vigilante groups really helped. I hadn't thought about it like that. But today I decided to Google my name and discovered a vigilante group had posted details about my charges and the court proceedings in what was supposed to be a closed court, so I have no idea how that got out. I plan on asking my solicitor about that.

I've had a very bad day today. As mentioned, I discovered a post about me on a vigilante group, I received notification from my work that they'll only cover my full wage for 30 days before reverting to Statutory Sick Pay (I had thought it would be months of full pay based on my colleagues' experiences but I've got a feeling they're giving me the bare minimum based on the charges), and I was offered temporary accommodation but in an area with basically no public transport links so I couldn't get there as they only gave me 2 hours from the initial call to the time I was supposed to arrive at the temporary accommodation. However, I've been advised that I'd be offered somewhere else at a later date.

Due to all of the above, I've been feeling extremely suicidal again today, but I've been talked down for now by a family member. Plus the last thing I said to my children was that I'd see them again sometime, so that kept me going for now.

I have a call with LFF tomorrow so hopefully they can suggest something that I can do to help with my mental state. Reading posts and replies on this forum is a massive help too, so thanks again to the whole community.

Hey there,

Scottish person here! I was convicted of a sex offence a few years ago (images), was plastered on social media and have since come off the registry and back to being a free man, as it were so I have run the whole gauntlet. 

What I will say first off is this is the worst bit, waiting around for stuff to happen while it seems things slowly slip away from you. Just know that this won't last forever.

I'll try answer your questions the best I can based on my experience but I can't be much help around the children/wife situation as I have neither so don't have much experience to offer up.



1) So this is a biggie. I struggled with this to begin with and I'd wager most on here were the same. It took a while to find something that works for me which in the end was a bit of medication (Fluoxetine) and having something to work on and focus on. For me it was quitting alcohol (and then subsequently cigarettes), the booze was such a black stain on my life that I felt if I could get a handle on that I can prove to myself that I am capable of change for the better and can make positive movements in my life so it gives a bit of hope. It does take a wee bit of time but I got there. 

2) As mentioned, I don't really have any experience with children/custody etc. so I'm afraid I can't really guide you much on that.

3) I was reported in the local news twice (when convicted and then when finally sentenced). This was passed around local Facebook vigilante groups and such. I know you shouldn't read the comments on these type of things but if you're going through this and it's about you and you're not even remotely curious then surely you're not bloody human! What I came to learn was it was just talk. Nothing has happened beyond some strangers saying how much they'd like to be locked in a room with me or whatever.

I don't mean this to sound harsh but people generally don't think about you as much as you think they do, that goes double for strangers. Think about it yourself; think of the last person you saw in your local news/Facebook page that was convicted for a sex offence. Without looking it up; What was their name? What did they look like? What was their offence?

If you could answer all 3 correctly I'd be very surprised. 

My point being that once they've gotten their 2 minutes of hate they'll move on to something else.

4) This is a little bit hard to say without knowing the full details and mitigation, your solicitor should be able to give you a rough idea. Judges have to follow the sentencing guidelines which you can see more about here: https://www.scottishsentencingcouncil.org.uk/sentencing-information/maximum-and-minimum-sentences

And although it's not guaranteed, typically judges will knock up to 1/3 off the sentence for an early guilty plea.

5) Sadly it just takes as long as it takes. It depends on the resources in your area and priority. For some it could be literally years.

6) An early plea isn't likely to speed this bit up. 18 months or so sounds about average. Usually with offences like this it's around 1-2 years from the knock so I'd set your sights around that timeframe. I was incredibly fortunate(?) that I was done and dusted in about 12 months.

7) Never really used them so can't comment on my experience but some people do seem to get something positive out of their experience with them.

8) The problem it sounds like is in the eyes of your local council you're making yourself voluntary homeless in which case they generally don't care and you'll go to the bottom of the pile. From their point of view you have a home, you're just choosing to not live in it. Unless it's a domestic abuse case they don't tend to care that much beyond that.

9) I had a bit of a shite experience with Legal Aid but that wasn't because of SLAB, that was solicitor at the time essentially lying to me saying I wasn't eligible when it turns out I probably would've been so I ended up in debt for no reason. Anyway, you can get a bunch of information from SLAB who handle it all: https://www.slab.org.uk/new-to-legal-aid/

Your solicitor should guide you through it and any potential costs etc.

I'm not in Scotland, but we do have at least one guy on here who is in Scotland, so hopefully he can help with local knowledge.

If you're having suicidal thoughts, phone the Samaritans. 116 123. They don't judge callers, and how much you tell them is up to you.

It doesn't apply to all threats, but many are just people expressing their emotions rather than actually intending to harm you. Ignore them and keep walking.

If you want an idea of what sentence you might get, you can always have a look through the sentencing guidelines issued by the Scottish Sentencing Council. If you do get a solicitor, they will have a good idea of how it's likely to go. The Scottish Sentencing Council also have advice on sentence discounts.

For the rest, you'll probably need local knowledge. Good luck.

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If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)

Hello,

I got "the knock" around a month ago and my whole world has been flipped upside down since then. I have come across this forum, which has been helpful in letting me know that I'm not alone. But I realise that a lot of members are not based in Scotland, so I was wondering if anyone had any Scotland-specific advice for some of my queries. However, I appreciate any and all advice, no matter where it comes from.

For some context, I have never been in trouble with the police in my life. Before "the knock", I had what I would consider to be the perfect life; a loving wife, two young children whom I adore, lots of friends, a house and a good job. Since "the knock", my wife left me, I hadn't seen the kids, the house is up for sale as my wife immediately fled to her mother's house so is no longer able to work, and none of my friends want anything to do with me as there was a social media post shared about me. I am currently homeless and have been sofa surfing with some family members thankfully, but it's clear that this isn't a long term arrangement so I am awaiting word on temporary accommodation outside of my local area. I have received a fit note from my GP stating that I am unable to work as I am feeling extremely suicidal, so thankfully I am still receiving a wage however, most of it goes towards the outgoings of the house I own with my wife, as well as the upkeep of my children.

I have been charged with online sexual conversations with an older child, including sending and receiving of sexual images via Snapchat. My devices, including both personal and work-related devices, have been seized for police investigation.

I'm not sure if this is how it works outside of Scotland, but I was initially arrested and questioned at the police station, to which the duty solicitor advised me to answer "no comment" although I wanted to be as cooperative as possible, then released on a bail undertaking to appear in the Sheriff Court just under 1 month later, which has now been and gone.

I engaged with a solicitor and asked them if I was eligible for Scottish Legal Aid, but haven't received much communication from the solicitor around that, other than completing the initial form, so I'm unclear if I'll receive legal aid or if I'll need to pay privately. If paying privately, I haven't had any indication of how much the solicitor fees would be.

My bail conditions advise that I am unable to have unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18, unless it's unavoidable in the course of lawful daily life. I am happy to abide by these conditions but initially it was unclear how "unsupervised" would be interpreted, and my solicitor advised me to err on the side of caution so I shouldn't contact my own children until it was clarified by the Sheriff. My wife was contacted by social services who advised that they don't have any concerns about me contacting my children and it was up to my wife to decide what the best option would be. A Children's Reporter also contacted my wife to discuss if a Children's Hearing was required in relation to my own children and the decision was made to immediately close the case, so no Children's Hearing was required. As difficult as it was, I agreed to not contact my own children until the initial court date where I'd be officially charged by the Sheriff. On that date, the Sheriff confirmed that my wife counts as supervision, therefore I would be able to contact my children with her supervision. I was so thankful to hear that and have recently had a supervised visit from my children. One is nursery age so doesn't have a complete understanding of what's going on, but the other is early primary school age (and has had to change school because of this situation) and had some questions for me. I answered them in an age-appropriate way while still taking accountability for my actions and ensuring that my children knew that everything their mum was doing for them was for the best, even though there have been a lot of massive changes to their life in the space of a month.

The time spent with my children went well however, I felt like I was masking my emotions as nothing felt normal any more. They enjoyed seeing me, and I enjoyed seeing them, but it also increased the level of my suicidal thoughts as I feel like they'd be better off without me, as much as I love them.

My wife has obviously been devastated by this whole situation, and has a lot of anger towards me but is also being amicable for the sake of the children. I still love my wife but I don't know how to explain that properly, as my actions would suggest otherwise.

I have also engaged with the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, who luckily have funding in Scotland so I don't need to pay for their services, but so far they keep saying generic things like, "you'll get through this" when ideally I'd want something practical to work on to improve myself somehow as I desperately want to make positive changes and be accountable for my actions. I have always suspected that I am on the autistic spectrum, but have never been officially diagnosed, so I think having something practical to work on would be beneficial for the way my mind works.

As I mentioned previously, there has been a social media post about me and I have received threats of violence, so I am scared to go outside as a lot of people know  and the victim's family are relatively local. This has also increased my level of suicidal thoughts as I am worried that the risk of violence towards me could be too much if I am with my children in a supervised visit. I have deleted all of my social media but there's nothing I can do about the post that has already been shared. I spoke to the police about the threats of violence and they said that if I gave a statement then I could end up having to give evidence in court, so I decided against it as I believe it would only aggravate the situation further.

Now to my queries:

1. Does anyone have any recommendations around coping with suicidal thoughts? Everyone I have spoken to so far has given me generic advice, which has kept me safe for now, but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep myself safe for.

2. I am massively fighting my thoughts between wanting to see my children because I love them, and conversely keeping them away from me because I love them, not that I'm any risk to them, moreso the potential for future heartbreak when I tell them about this, being unable to take them outside without fear of being recognised, and just the general stigma of having a father with these types of charges. Does anyone have any experience with something positive I can offer my children in life? I really don't want them to feel sorry for me whenever they see me, instead I want to be able to be a good dad to them but I can't see a way that I can offer them anything more than a visit indoors where I'm masking my emotions.

3. Does anyone have any experience with dealing with threats of violence? I realise most of the offences discussed on this forum are for downloading IIOC rather than having direct contact with a victim, so it's been difficult to navigate the situation with regards to this specific scenario.

4. Does anyone have any indication of the type of sentence I am likely to receive in Scotland if I plead guilty?

5. Although I answered "no comment" when asked for the passcode to my personal phone, a family member provided the police with the passcode. With that in mind, is that likely to speed up the device investigation process? My personal laptop and work devices were never used for anything untoward, but I'm aware they still need to be investigated, which I'm guessing will delay the device investigation process.

6. I have been advised that the plea date will likely be 12 to 18 months down the line, with the sentencing date likely to be 4 to 6 weeks after that, but if I intend to plead guilty is there any way that the Procurator Fiscal will take that into account and potentially speed up the process?

7. Has anyone had success stories with engaging with the Lucy Faithfull Foundation? I have another call with them this week and I'm hoping it will gradually start to help.

8. Has anyone got any experience with dealing with being homeless in Scotland? The homeless officer was brilliant and agreed that I wouldn't be safe in a hostel but it's been a couple of weeks without word on temporary accommodation. I'm worried that not being in a hostel is pushing me down the list. I'm unable to return to the house i own with my wife for my own safety.

9. Regarding Scottish Legal Aid, will they consider the financial support I need to provide to my wife and kids or will this be disregarded?

Apologies for the long-winded nature of this post but I am extremely thankful for anyone who has taken the time to read this and respond.