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Differences in approach


Differences in approach

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newstart
newstart
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After sentencing, I felt somewhat better in myself, knowing I now had a platform to rebuild and work from. 

Had my first meeting with probation and PPU and they were very professional, seeming willing to work with me and setup a management plan which along with the SHPO and SOR will just reinforce and aid my desire to lead a law obiding life going forward. 

Prior to conviction, I was happily married and had a good family life with a child. 

Probation/PPU seem reasonably happy if my wife decides that she wants to continue with family life, that they would work a plan together and over (presumably long) time frame phase reconciliation. They seem genuinely willing to help me individually and going forward with family, and reintroduced to society 

Social services involved. They wont have it at all, and keep telling my wife to get a divorce. They wont engage with me, and basically wont do anything other than try and break us up. we have both done everything they have asked and more but with no change in stance from them.  their stance is i am high risk because i committed the offence (attempted communication) and will always be high risk, no matter what I do. 

I know have caused this mess and taken considerable steps to avoid re-offending which have been successful thus far and will be aided now by the legal framework. 

This has been detailed in depth on this site and others im sure, but i genuinely am struggling to deal with the SS who seem to have no interest in anything except breaking up a family because it is in the "interests of the child" , vs probation /ppu who do seem to have a genuine interest in me  

Thoughts?





Edited
2 Months Ago by newstart
Hola
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newstart - 11 Jan 20 8:07 AM
After sentencing, I felt somewhat better in myself, knowing I now had a platform to rebuild and work from. 

Had my first meeting with probation and PPU and they were very professional, seeming willing to work with me and setup a management plan which along with the SHPO and SOR will just reinforce and aid my desire to lead a law obiding life going forward. 

Prior to conviction, I was happily married and had a good family life with a child. 

Probation/PPU seem reasonably happy if my wife decides that she wants to continue with family life, that they would work a plan together and over (presumably long) time frame phase reconciliation. They seem genuinely willing to help me individually and going forward with family, and reintroduced to society 

Social services involved. They wont have it at all, and keep telling my wife to get a divorce. They wont engage with me, and basically wont do anything other than try and break us up. we have both done everything they have asked and more but with no change in stance from them.  their stance is i am high risk because i committed the offence (attempted communication) and will always be high risk, no matter what I do. 

I know have caused this mess and taken considerable steps to avoid re-offending which have been successful thus far and will be aided now by the legal framework. 

This has been detailed in depth on this site and others im sure, but i genuinely am struggling to deal with the SS who seem to have no interest in anything except breaking up a family because it is in the "interests of the child" , vs probation /ppu who do seem to have a genuine interest in me  

Thoughts?





talk it through with probation and ask them to give their view on you to SS as unbiased observers.  If still no luck complain.  Also what does your wife want to do ?  If she's supporting you ask her to get more assertive with SS in giving her views to them.  Overall for the kids you guys staying together would be the lest traumatic option you'd think


newstart
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Hola - 11 Jan 20 11:08 AM
newstart - 11 Jan 20 8:07 AM
After sentencing, I felt somewhat better in myself, knowing I now had a platform to rebuild and work from. 

Had my first meeting with probation and PPU and they were very professional, seeming willing to work with me and setup a management plan which along with the SHPO and SOR will just reinforce and aid my desire to lead a law obiding life going forward. 

Prior to conviction, I was happily married and had a good family life with a child. 

Probation/PPU seem reasonably happy if my wife decides that she wants to continue with family life, that they would work a plan together and over (presumably long) time frame phase reconciliation. They seem genuinely willing to help me individually and going forward with family, and reintroduced to society 

Social services involved. They wont have it at all, and keep telling my wife to get a divorce. They wont engage with me, and basically wont do anything other than try and break us up. we have both done everything they have asked and more but with no change in stance from them.  their stance is i am high risk because i committed the offence (attempted communication) and will always be high risk, no matter what I do. 

I know have caused this mess and taken considerable steps to avoid re-offending which have been successful thus far and will be aided now by the legal framework. 

This has been detailed in depth on this site and others im sure, but i genuinely am struggling to deal with the SS who seem to have no interest in anything except breaking up a family because it is in the "interests of the child" , vs probation /ppu who do seem to have a genuine interest in me  

Thoughts?





talk it through with probation and ask them to give their view on you to SS as unbiased observers.  If still no luck complain.  Also what does your wife want to do ?  If she's supporting you ask her to get more assertive with SS in giving her views to them.  Overall for the kids you guys staying together would be the lest traumatic option you'd think


Thanks for your reply - at present wife is undecided, criminal bits aside, there is a breach of trust with her, which will take time to repair. SS have deemed her a suitable for supervision and are generally happy with her , but keep pressuring her to make a decision to end things. i absolutely agree staying together as a unit should be less painful all around. 


Edited
2 Months Ago by newstart
Mr W
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newstart - 11 Jan 20 8:07 AM
After sentencing, I felt somewhat better in myself, knowing I now had a platform to rebuild and work from. 

Had my first meeting with probation and PPU and they were very professional, seeming willing to work with me and setup a management plan which along with the SHPO and SOR will just reinforce and aid my desire to lead a law obiding life going forward. 

Prior to conviction, I was happily married and had a good family life with a child. 

Probation/PPU seem reasonably happy if my wife decides that she wants to continue with family life, that they would work a plan together and over (presumably long) time frame phase reconciliation. They seem genuinely willing to help me individually and going forward with family, and reintroduced to society 

Social services involved. They wont have it at all, and keep telling my wife to get a divorce. They wont engage with me, and basically wont do anything other than try and break us up. we have both done everything they have asked and more but with no change in stance from them.  their stance is i am high risk because i committed the offence (attempted communication) and will always be high risk, no matter what I do. 

I know have caused this mess and taken considerable steps to avoid re-offending which have been successful thus far and will be aided now by the legal framework. 

This has been detailed in depth on this site and others im sure, but i genuinely am struggling to deal with the SS who seem to have no interest in anything except breaking up a family because it is in the "interests of the child" , vs probation /ppu who do seem to have a genuine interest in me  

Thoughts?

That’s great you have a supportive probation officer and ppu (think yourself lucky, not all get that). I understand the relief of the sentencing feels like an ending (of one chapter at least) but as you’re already seeing, there's a new chapter to get through.

I guess from SS’s view, (remember they don’t know you personally, so they have to go through their very tough protocols which I'm sure you can understand), for example - you say you were happily married and had a good family life - but then your offence would have meant you would have sought to go behind your wife's back without thinking about the effects it would have on her. On top of that is how much younger the person you tried to communicate with being an upsetting shock to the mother of your child. Like you admit, it is a huge breach of trust and that’s what SS will immediately see.

The odds are stacked against you and I would assume that’s why SS are giving you a hard time, they are trained to do so, but they can’t end the relationship. It’s up to you to show your strength of character in how you respond, remorse for your family and show that reoffending is not “successful thus far with legal framework”, but simply inconceivable.

What I can say is that this will take time, I don’t think one conversation so soon after conviction will make SS go away anytime soon, so prepare for the long game and a lot of interference but if you stay strong the right outcome will prevail. Good luck!



=====
Fighting or Accepting - its difficult to know which is right and when.
Edited
2 Months Ago by Mr W
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newstart - 11 Jan 20 8:07 AM
After sentencing, I felt somewhat better in myself, knowing I now had a platform to rebuild and work from. 

Had my first meeting with probation and PPU and they were very professional, seeming willing to work with me and setup a management plan which along with the SHPO and SOR will just reinforce and aid my desire to lead a law obiding life going forward. 

Prior to conviction, I was happily married and had a good family life with a child. 

Probation/PPU seem reasonably happy if my wife decides that she wants to continue with family life, that they would work a plan together and over (presumably long) time frame phase reconciliation. They seem genuinely willing to help me individually and going forward with family, and reintroduced to society 

Social services involved. They wont have it at all, and keep telling my wife to get a divorce. They wont engage with me, and basically wont do anything other than try and break us up. we have both done everything they have asked and more but with no change in stance from them.  their stance is i am high risk because i committed the offence (attempted communication) and will always be high risk, no matter what I do. 

I know have caused this mess and taken considerable steps to avoid re-offending which have been successful thus far and will be aided now by the legal framework. 

This has been detailed in depth on this site and others im sure, but i genuinely am struggling to deal with the SS who seem to have no interest in anything except breaking up a family because it is in the "interests of the child" , vs probation /ppu who do seem to have a genuine interest in me  

Thoughts?





Hi
I support Mr W's words and advice to you.
I know from other ex-offenders that SS will try and split any partnership as; to be cynical,  in ways it makes there life easier as if it happened, any legal restrictions would be managed by the Police.
In ways I would suggest you have a long and emotionally draining journey ahead of you, but do not think your wife and child will not also be facing that journey as well. In some ways it is worse for them.
If you are to remain as a family unit you must learn to be open about these emotions together, do not let them think they are to blame for anything.
When a partner makes a 'mistake' - especially a sexual one - it is so easy for the other to think something they are doing / or not doing was the reason.
Look at family counseling and let all the authorities aware of the fact. It should be seen that the family unit is strong and trying to understand and manage correctly any issues. I know from my own experience 'running away' from a problem does not resolve it.

No matter your offence you will find support here, just be open, accepting your past and show a willingness to be an ex-offender.
Keep in touch.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
AB2014
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newstart - 11 Jan 20 8:07 AM
After sentencing, I felt somewhat better in myself, knowing I now had a platform to rebuild and work from. 

Had my first meeting with probation and PPU and they were very professional, seeming willing to work with me and setup a management plan which along with the SHPO and SOR will just reinforce and aid my desire to lead a law obiding life going forward. 

Prior to conviction, I was happily married and had a good family life with a child. 

Probation/PPU seem reasonably happy if my wife decides that she wants to continue with family life, that they would work a plan together and over (presumably long) time frame phase reconciliation. They seem genuinely willing to help me individually and going forward with family, and reintroduced to society 

Social services involved. They wont have it at all, and keep telling my wife to get a divorce. They wont engage with me, and basically wont do anything other than try and break us up. we have both done everything they have asked and more but with no change in stance from them.  their stance is i am high risk because i committed the offence (attempted communication) and will always be high risk, no matter what I do. 

I know have caused this mess and taken considerable steps to avoid re-offending which have been successful thus far and will be aided now by the legal framework. 

This has been detailed in depth on this site and others im sure, but i genuinely am struggling to deal with the SS who seem to have no interest in anything except breaking up a family because it is in the "interests of the child" , vs probation /ppu who do seem to have a genuine interest in me  

Thoughts?





If you're having trouble with Social Services, try contacting the Family Rights Group. They specialise in giving information and advice about dealing with Social Services when they get involved.
GO


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