Hi,

Just a quick note to say hello, i'm from Manchester but i've recently moved away. 

I had no convictions until 2015 when I was arrested and charged with x18 images, I was convicted in 2016 i had a 2 year community order and a shpo for 5 years.

Prior to this I had worked in Defence and central government, owned my own place with no mortgage and had worked since leaving uni in 1999. In the last 4 years i've worked 5 months.

In order to make amends i've donated around 15k to various charities.

I've all but given up looking for work, i'm sick of being asked how I feel about my offence, to describe what I was looking at, asking for copies of psych reports etc etc. Offender charities tell me I have to wait for space on courses, tell me i'm not fit for work yet. I've had over 5 job offers, all turned down once I declare my offence, told to provide them with copies of indictments, psych and medical reports (I refuse), i've been asked to tell people how I feel, categories of images, and quantities etc.  The whole experience left me angry and bitter to the point I felt no choice but to move away. I'm now rebuilding my life and trying to move on.

Hi,
Welcome to the forum. As you browse this forum you'll see that you're not alone with your struggles after very similar crimes.

I can relate in that my background is a very specific type of work and one I won't work in again thanks to my conviction and press coverage. I too have moved but I'm certainly not in a position to make 15k charity donations or be mortgage-free...!

And, as I'm sure you understand, although you've broken the law and must be punished for doing so, I also understand empthise with the 'angry and bitter' feelings as we are dehumanised, especially in the search for work, when attempting to involve others in our lives along with the constant randomly timed reminders of the past. It's NOT easy.

The positives are that you're pretty much finished with it as of next year as your SHPO ends. Hurrah! I'd like to think, and I'd be interested to know yours or anyone's since this is a forum, that progress will happen post-SHPO in terms of employment and other significant socio-economic factors. The sentence is almost an irrelevance when you see the longterm damage a SHPO does to a person and I'm not sure that's truly understood. So maybe perhaps in the short term, take the pressure off yourself, give yourself and your head some space to breathe while the world goes mental with C-19, and then be ready to restart post-SHPO. Hope that helps.

EDIT: (I'm not sure if it's a glitch, but I can no longer reply to this thread, the reply function has gone)


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Fighting or Accepting - its difficult to know which is right and when.

COVID has been partly a blessing and a curse for me. It came a few months after sentencing and has been a great reason to isolate and just concentrate on surviving and getting my head sorted and myself together without worrying about anything else.

On the other hand, it is going to be even harder to get a job I reckon. Mass unemployment up here in Scotland, it was going to be difficult before just getting a job with a conviction (especially an images offence) but now employers will have a bigger pool of candidates to choose from and a "non-bad guy" would be a safer option. I've noticed a few companies on their applications in regards to offences are basically straight up asking if people are paedophiles now. "Have you been accused of a sex offence, including paedophilia"

Something rubbed me the wrong with it and I don't know why.



I've blurred out the company name as I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post it but I can if people want.

I ended my application there and then. I felt zero point in continuing with it knowing my application will almost certainly get filled straight in the bin.

Thank you for your kind words
Its not the punishment from the courts but the extrajudicial punishments that society gives you. People no longer speaking to you, told i'm not welcome but someone with a different conviction is, thats where I get angry.

Actually Paedophiiia / Paedophile are medical diagnosis. 
https://www.who.int/classifications/icd/en/bluebook.pdf 

Some of the reasons could also involve mental health / illnesses

Also what about other crimes, the list seems a tad short....

This right here is what has been my issue.

Rehabilitation only works if the public allow it - That's my view, anyway.

My offence was also an images-based offence and was surprised at how quickly people just seem to flip a switch on you. The stigma attached to it is the issue.

I find it weird that when people find out they just assume you're going to be going around snatching up kids like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or something. I remember a few years back when I used Facebook another local guy was caught with images and the comments were what you'd expect. I remember making a somewhat jokey comment reply to a woman who was practically foaming at the mouth that the guy lived on her street and was worried he'd be snatching up her daughter.

My comment was along the lines of "What if he doesn't find your child attractive though?"

So not only was a siding with a "mOnStEr" I also essentially called her kid ugly.

Although it was said slightly in jest at the time I still feel it is still a somewhat realistic statement. Just because someone might be afflicted and attracted to children it doesn't mean they're attracted to all children in the same way I'm not attracted to all women. I'm also in my 30s and have never tried to sexually assault a woman as I'm able to contain myself.

I 100% accepted my punishment and agree what I did was wrong.

Oh I'm well aware of it.

I think their word choice is horrendous. I might be wrong but paedophilia itself isn't actually a crime as it's a thought pattern and the person should get help, although I totally get why they don't given the almost certain fall out of it. Acting on your thought though is a crime, as it should be.

In the same way I don't feel I should be locked up if I have a thought about punching someone, or stealing something. If I fantasize about a porn star should I be charged with rape? Given I didn't get her consent to do it? Bit of tangent here but hopefully you get the idea...

Welcome to the forum, I was reading your other posts so I will get to those individually in a moment.

I just want to start by thanking you for sharing your experiences and equally your frustration. I can honestly say the anger you feel is well understood and is not something you can just put to one side, but you have to try so you can give yourself chance to breath.
I can sympathize on the job searching as I am finding it difficult to motivate myself to even look for work. I have in fact applied for an online uni course which my local council is paying for, however in my application I had to make my disclosure. I got an email basically requesting documents I received from the courts and what rehabilitation I have done since. I was a little put off by it all at first but I thought I may as well comply as they still might accept my application. My only concern is what my PPU will say when he responds to the uni giving them his risk assessments ect. I probably should have asked for a copy but I felt at the time he would have only said no.

In your last post you mentioned people no longer speak to you, I hope you were able to retain some friendship and contact with family. I too have lost many friends and some family, loosing them does not bother me all that much as I now know who my true friends are. I hope this is the same for you.

I would be interested in reading more of your experiences if you so decide to share it, you are not alone and we are here to help.