Hi all, fairly new here.

Just thought I'd give an introduction/overview of my situation and hopefully helps anybody who's going through similar.

My story:

So June last year i received the knock, i was staying with my partner at the time. I was actually at work at the time and she let them in, they seized all of the devices ect and came and picked me up at work (embarrassing to say the least) Panic stricken i spent the day in custody went through the whole DNA logging, mugshot, rights ect. I asked for a solicitor for interview who advised me to go no comment which i did. Then had to speak to mental health to make sure i didn't kill myself upon leaving. Anybody who's been in this situation I'd advise you to speak with them as it was the only thing on my mind at the time. I was bailed and told i couldn't go back to the house as she had children. so i went to my parents. My mother imidiatly asked me what I'd done and if it was true to which i confessed. This took a a while to sink in with her but she could see i was a nervous wreck. I'd been in a difficult relationship for several years with lots of debt issues, health problems as well as depression and me and my mother hadn't been on great terms prior to this but god bless her heart she still wanted to help me get my life sorted.

I didn't sleep much that night, i couldn't eat for around a week as my world had just been turned upside down. I was extremely low and suicidal even to the point where i made a note and was going to go do it. The crisis team and my GP were amazing and really helped me get through it as well as support from my family. As the weeks progressed i sought out a solicitor who deals with this kind of conviction primarily, he referred me to Saferlives as well as taking over as my representation, he was fantastic with me and my family. In the coming weeks due to medication and support my mental health improved somewhat and i was doing weekly session with saferlives who are amazing and i'd advise anybody to use them. They provide support all the way up to court. They get to the root of the problems and come up with action plans to avoid it happening again. They also give you a confidential space to talk about what's on your mind.

Fast forward to now. I'm still being bailed but 2nd interview is fast approaching. I've come to terms with what i did and can see it was horrific and have spent the last year evaluating my own mental state.

I really feel for those who go through this without a support network as i don't know where I'd be without my family, they have accepted what I did was wrong and helped me better myself. I am now in a position where i want to get through the conviction, repay my debt to society in any way possible and move forward and become a better person and make sure this never happens again. This is going to be challenging however given I'm probably looking at 10 years on the Register and a SHPO for the duration but I'm determined to get through it and get my life back on track.

I'll keep you all informed on how things go further down the line as i think it's important for people going through similar to see how things work and also being stuck in the limbo period on bail is probably the time where you question yourself the most.

Few things I've learned:

Treat each day like a working day and take it one step at a time, i look foward to the weekends as i know i'm essentially safe from any bad news as it's out of office hours.

Stay off the alcohol/drugs it will only enhance the depression

Get help and support and tell yourself that this is never going to happen again, you're better than this and you will be better in the future!

Keep yourself busy, if you can still work do it! i lost my job unfortunately and a lot of friends but i play video games a lot, go for long dog walks and spend time with my family.

If you're anxious about being seen in public I'd advise going to a neighbouring town/area for shopping ect. If you have a beard shave it, if you don't have one grow it, try wearing a hat/glasses, change fashion choices ect. If you keep your head down with these minor alterations a passing eye in the street will struggle to notice you.

Conclusion:

These types of crimes are becoming a disease on society in recent years with ease of access and a constant network of people who will groom you into it. Make sure to keep your head high and move foward and push yourself to become a better person! 

Thanks for reading and will reply to any responses or questions.