Hi all,

No idea where to start and don’t want to say too much in case it incriminates me. Had the knock on the door later quarter of last year. The charge initially was engaging in an adult conversation with a minor on Snapchat.
Had a 2nd interview and further conversations have come to light, about 5 were mentioned all with minors and 1 image and a video sent to me, cat b & c.
Now a wait for the cps to make a decision.

Anyone in a similar position, had similar charges presented to them? I would really appreciate any information input and advice.

Thanks in advance

To add to this I’m struggling to process what has happened. I’ve hurt my family beyond belief but currently I have support at home, all of which I feel thankful for but also feel I don’t deserve it.

Welcome, you'll get support here. Plenty for you to read through.
Any evidence found on your devices? Sounds relatively minor but as most find here and you have already, effect on your family is worst. Glad you're getting support.
Best wishes 

Hi
First please never take my words in any other way than being honest and attempting to assist you in realizing that, like many others here, something has happen in your life that you didn't think would. It is hard to think but, whatever happens you now you will have to readjust all the expectations for your life; whatever the outcome.

However the first and probably hardest "decision" you will make throughout the forthcoming process, is to accept responsibility for whatever actions/decisions you previously made.

Even if the CPS do not recommend "charging you" then I hope you would give thought to the various aspects of your life choices that has brought you to this cross roads in your life. I will attach a self instructing process document that I have found does help if you use it honestly. The idea is that it helps you review various aspects of your life to see where or what is not in balance. You can change the "heading" in each segment to whatever you feel more comfortable with. For example "spiritual" is not necessarily religion focused; I am not religious but everyone has "faith" in something.

I am not being rude or dismissive by saying I do not wish to know the reasons for the communications or whatever one side is saying is the truth or not. This is purely because I believe whatever is the truth or subsequent outcome, your "quality of mind / wellbeing has to be a high priority!

As I have always said about my own offence, "the only individuals who know the truth is those directly involved at that moment in time". I stress that for the simple reason is that within an hour our minds adjust the memory. A supportive example is that an old tutor once told me that we "revise" our studies because you probably only remember 80% of what was said at the time. Also "pressure" from the situation (interviews) will cause our minds to attempt to protect us by adjusting recollections to attempt to be more acceptable to our "audience". I am not say you or them are lying intentionally but stress has many consequences.

We all know that very close family and friends will attempt to offer their support in an unquestioning way. Though comforting it is also dangerous to just accept this. By accepting it without question, you could then be placing yourself on a path of not reviewing yourself to understand what made you make whatever decisions you did, and so to place yourself in this situation. In other words like the Police are doing now, if you do not investigate properly then you cannot ensure the correct outcome is achieved. Your correct outcome is to ensure you refocus your mind and wellbeing to prevent this scenario reoccurring in the future. 

There will be others who will manage the "legal" aspects of the process. This means you will not be in control and you have to accept that. However at certain times what seems to be "control" will be pushed on you ie. to make decisions concerning to plead guilty of not. Therefore from ensuring your decision on who defends you is based on the best you can afford, ask all the stupid questions you can and get answers you understand. That includes the consequences of the decision you may make before you do. Remember it is pointless stressing on things you cannot control so focus on what you can!

Finally if I may suggest that the feelings you had when the "knock" happened are not to be confused with what you are going through now. This is because the emotion felt on arrest is "guilt" as you realize "you have been found out". After this your emotions change as individuals you love find out; this is called "shame".  It is "shame" that makes us wish to hide or seek comfort from kind words. You have to accept that "kind" words will not remove that feeling of shame as it is the acceptance and refocusing yourself to make better decisions and so show those close to you it was an "error" and the happiness that follows will remove the same.

We all deserve "support and happiness" so keep believing that.

Good luck for your future.







Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Hi, thanks for your reply. I don’t think this will be treated as minor. One item sent by an 11 year old. I have no recollection but it’s in black and white so think they will throw the book at me. The original offence was for an explicit chat with a minor. No images sent or received.
Thanks

Hi
Please do not dwell on the past as you cannot change that.
You can understand it therefore help yourself recognize or start to learn what you have to change in your behavior / lifestyle. That is not a criticism as even a "saint" has to constantly reflect therefore it is a positive aspect of life.

As I mentioned previously, no matter what you think may happen think postively and prepare for the different outcomes. If you are sent away you need to have many things ready to happen straight away and so not leave it to others to sort out for you.
Nothing is a waste of time and if you think about it planning for the worse not only reassures you in ways; it is also a distraction from your mind wondering and thinking of things not within your control.

Be patient and positive and believe in your ability to turn your life around. 



Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
------------------------------

This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

The obscene publications act has been used before to prosecute adults for private conversations with adults regarding minors. See R v Gavin Smith.

Hi Thomas,

I can image what you are going through. I am fortunate that all our children are grown up and left home now so this is not an issue.
Mine was not a conversation like yours. I’m just awaiting cps now, then a plea hearing and finally court. Worst time of my life too but everyone says they get through it. Good luck for the future and don’t give up hope

Hi Thomas and Mr M and welcome both to the Unlock Forum.

You'll find no judgment here. Only a friendly place to chat, to get worries off your chest, to let off steam and to learn about what to expect moving forwards.

If you haven't already read it, there's some useful information on the Unlock website RE sexual offence convictions. You might find it helpful to know *some* of what to expect going into the future: Sexual offence convictions: what you need to know - Unlock

I hope you find the Forum a useful resource.

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All views, opinions & contributions are my own and do not represent the views of Unlock unless specifically stated.

I am new to this forum and have made a separate post detailing my situation, which sounds potentially similar to the situations described by Mr M and Thomas, although it has only been around 1 month since "the knock" for me. I'm curious to know how you're both getting on and if either of you have had any update since you last replied on this thread?

Hi Dharma,
I read your post the other day and can fully understand what you are going through.
What I can say is you will go through a lot of lows before you can start to build your life again. I was in this situation when I had the knock.
Since my post I have had my plea hearing, which I pleaded guilty, and recently had my sentencing hearing which was held at magistrates court not crown as prosecution and my solicitor agreed it was best to keep it with the magistrate.

To give you some hope, I received 18 months community order of 180 hours, 25 RAR(rehabilitation sessions) and 5 years on SOR and SHPO, which mainly related to internet restrictions and monitoring software. There is a condition preventing me from entering or remaining in a household where someone under 18 is present. The visor and social services can agree to allow access but that’s for the future.

The whole process from the knock to sentencing fo me took 15 months.
I am now working hard with the support of some of my family and close friends to work through the next period and of course find a new job.

I want to wish you luck, be honest with yourself and those you trust.

Take care and don’t despair or give up. You will get through this.

Thank you for your response. I've been feeling extremely low recently but I've used various services to try to keep me going. Reading your response has helped me, I appreciate it. I wish you all the best for the future.