I think JASB has covered most of it. What I would add, is that the police guidance on disclosure says it should only be considered, if there is no other, reasonable way, to address the potential risk. Too often, I think the PPU see disclosure as their first option, not their last option.

From a practical point of view, why not agree with the lady, that anytime the grandchildren are due to visit, you will make yourself scarce. That way there can be no chance of being left alone with them, even for a few minutes. Tell the PPU that this is the agreement you have come to and that they are welcome to speak to her, to confirm you are not lying. They are going to do that anyway, but by offering it to them, it makes it clear you have nothing to hide.

That seems like a reasonable way to address the risk, without a need to disclose to anyone else. If the relationship gets more serious, then it may be harder to explain why you are 'elsewhere', every time the children come round, but disclosing to other people now, isn't proportionate to the risk.

Hi DekaRed

Congratulations on having the confidence to disclose to your new lady friend, it is lovely to hear you have found somebody who is so supportive.

I am sure your dilemma of whether to make further disclosure to her grown children is causing you much anxiety as is the thought of possible involvement by PPU.

My question to you would be - how is your relationship with PPU? My own personal experience has been that they are generally supportive of forming new relationships (how else are we supposed to re-enter normal society) but equally have a duty of disclosure where and when appropriate to ensure safeguarding at all times. You have been open and honest with your new lady friend who is presumably also aware of the conditions of your SHPO. As such she is in a strong position to act as a protective factor where grandchildren are concerned. 

My advice would be to consider arranging a private meeting between yourself, your new lady friend, the Probation Service and PPU to discuss things, this may sound scary but with the correct support you may be able to find a balance that works for all.

Good luck and please let us know how you get on,

Eddy

Hi, thanks for the clarification.

I am on your side so please think about that when reading my words.

(a) You say you are just friendly with the lady so it seems you are at the start of a relationship. She accepts your past and I assume she is aware of your restrictions. This being the case do ensure she understands your concerns and so wish to remain distant from her family until you are sure of the future together. However even in this scenario I am not sure what the PPU would say in regard to disclosing to her children etc.  Gut feeling is that would say disclose.
(b) I assume the PPU do not know you are in a relationship or have talked about the possibility? If they have, have they discussed possible family structure and their concerns?
(c)  Take this as their informing you of their view and so provide a hint to the answer you are searching for. 
(d) 

But surely those children would be in the presence of their parent or guardian

. Two points. (a) Many children are left with grandparents or extended family and yes your lady could be described as a guardian but, I think that disclosure would not be dismissed in cases like ours. Reason for is that you all could be watching TV and your lady goes to the toilet or kitchen. In my scenario; I mentioned above, that was a point put to me.
(e) you are looking at this through the logic of a defence and they are looking at it from a view of suspicion! No matter your thoughts about yourself they will always do that, therefore always think about it from their view. The old saying plan for the worse.
(f) Remember in scenario the PPU told you to act, how would they report that in your records? Denial of offence?

Ask yourself this. How would you feel if you did not disclose but the PPU contacted them or forced you to do so. You could be accepted and that would be perfect BUT, the PPU would / could then contact the social services so would that change their thoughts? If so the pressure / anger could then be placed on your lady by the family because of the repercussions they endure In brief "you are making them a victim" so would your relationship last. Also if the relationship ended badly would the family discuss it with their friends etc? How would that be managed.

I would suggest asking your lady what her thoughts are, but in the end no matter the different scenarios we consider, I am sure her relationship with her family would be a priority over yours; unfortunately.
I will finish as I started, your main priority should be your own protection; especially emotional. It may turn out that a decision to disclose gives the results as you desire; who can tell. 
In the end you have to minimse the issues you have to face due to a past mistake.

Support is always here, even if not in the words you hope to hear.



Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

I apologise, the extract I posted was from memory. I have the document in front of me now. It reads

The defendant is prohibited from "Having any form of contact or communication with any child under the age of 16 years unless that child is in the presence of their parent or guardian, save for such contact as may be deemed unavoidable in everyday life."

Occasionally though, PPU will ask about the groups I attend, and whether any children are present. They aren't, but they have said in the past that it may cause issues if children were present. As in I may have to stop attending. But surely those children would be in the presence of their parent or guardian, and so I fail to see the issue.

Hi

Thank you for not only being honest to the lady but also trying to ensure your personal future is protected.

I am on the SOR and SOPO - Paying for sexual services - and have 2 conditions relating to notifications to parents/gaurdians of a female under 16.

I am not sure if the wording you used is an accurate extract as it seems to suggest you do not have to tell anyone but do have to ensure the parents/gaurdians is present?
from my expereince I would of thought you would of have to inform them.

Example, a couple of years ago I had a relationship with a lady, no children BUT her cousin had a son. I disclosed to the lady in my relationship and, unknown to me, she told her cousin who had no issues. I informed my PPU and they had no issues as he was male, I was low risk etc etc.

However the relationship ended and I moved regions. My new PPU asked about the cousin and my relationship / suppervision of the boy. Much to my dismay and even though my SOPO states "females" they contacted the social services of my old region and started an investigation. Though I knew my conduct was beyond reproach their actions caused distress to the family and especially the boy as he had no idea what was happening.
The final straw was they did not even have the decentancy to reply to them or me about their conclusions.

The reason I am providing the above information is for numerious reasons but above all it shows that no matter what, you have to protect yourself first and as best as you can.
If your condition suggests or there is any ambuguity at all you would be best to disclose. Your partner sees your character and if she is willing, ask her to be there when you disclose. Ensure you do that in a thoughtful and not sympathy seeking manner. If this appears to create a rift between your partner and her family then; personally, I would end the relationship so not to cause harm to your partners family relationships.

You will recieve many replies but you have to remember the replies will be opinions only. You have the documents infront of you so again to protect yourself.
Either (1) get legal advice: solicitor, probation office or PPU. In regard to the last two you could say you are just enquiring for clarification purposes as that is down to your relationship with them. You would probably get follow up questions but once you declare the relationship you would anyway.
(2) Protect yourself by disclosing. This way at least you would understand if the relationship really has a future and the past generally does catch up with you.

Good luck and look forward to hearing about your decission.

Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
------------------------------

This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

I have spent time in prison for sexual offences, and am on the register with a SHOPO. One of the conditions says "not allowed to be around children, unless their parent or guardian is there"

I am currently very friendly with a lady, who is a grandmother. All her kids are around 40, and she occasionally plays host to her grandchildren who range from 3-21. I have met some of her grown-up children, who know about my friendliness with their mother.

I have disclosed to the lady in question, and she supports me fully. My question is, is that as far as the disclosures need to go? She may be completely understanding and supportive, but if I also have to disclose to her children, it may cause huge problems.

We have not entered into a relationship yet for a number of reasons, and this is something we are both quite concerned with. If I was to ever be around the grandchildren, would their parents need to know about me, or is their grandmother knowing sufficient? It is unlikely I would ever be around them without the grandmother being present.