i had the knock about a month ago.
for sexual comms with a child(13) also seems it was a police operation(not that it really matters)
ive been struggling a lot with not having real contact with my son (bail conditions of not unsupervised with under 16 and not to stay overnight in a property where under 16 are sleeping)
my wife(ex) wants a divorce and to change our sons surname for if(more likly when) it gets into any media to try help protect him, ive agreed to this(its just a name but still hard)
the waiting to know what is going to happen is the hardest, some family and a friend know, im lucky to still be in work for now but thats obvisoly going to change eventualy and no idea what to do then(just save for now is the plan)
ive never been so emotional in my life and everything jus seems to go so slow.
i have printed off all the modules from stopitnow and refered to stopso for theopy, the aurara project has now finished and no longer running(only one to get a responce from so far)
im so scared of what is to come in relation to my son, what kind of relationship am i going to have with him once my conviction starts, how are social going to e with the whole situation, its hard as soo many outcomes from everything.
anyway just a quick first post to say hi and a little introduction
kraken

Welcome here, you'll get plenty of support. The only thing I'd say now is to look after yourself, you'll be feeling so many emotions. Stop it now (Lucy Faithfull) very useful, call their helpline to talk. I got a counsellor through stopso. Unfortunately as you're starting to discover the ramifications are going to pile on, but you can pull through. Many others on here with experience to share, you're not alone. The waiting now is hard and varies a lot, I had almost 3 years from knock to court (online images offence), my son is over 30 and no grandchildren, and my wife very supportive. Lots of info across many threads here, but ask any questions, someone will respond. 

Thank paul.
I have spoken with stopitnow a few times and will continue to.
How was the therapy through stopso?
Im still waiting to hear back.
Once i can wprk.out finances ill be looking to do the course with stopitnow also.
I believe i have been depressed for quite some time, which led me to online chatrooms, end of last year i was talking to anyone (female) that would give me attention, i should have been speaking to my wife but hindsight is 20/20.
I also always grumpy and short woth my son and he has told his mum how much he loves daddy now he aint shouting at him, i knew about doing it just not how frequent,  right now i feel i have lost my world, ive lost my family as i knew of it, the wife is supportive so far, because of our child together, but ive also read horror stories how the social push a lot and breakdown any kind of relationship, i just hope i get to have the quality time with him after conviction as im missing so much at the moment.
I do believe i know what lead up to all this and im working on that, also why i need the therapy to ensure theres nothing else and to help me work through these things to be better for everyone,  end of the day i just want my family back but thats gone unfortunately now.
Thank you again

When I did SOTP in prison and Thames Valley in the community, parts of it were like group therapy, but free of charge. There is something of a community about it while you're in those sessions. I didn't do the more recent courses, though, but I'd imagine they're on the same basis. It always amazed me that critics said the older courses didn't reduce re-offending, when the re-offending rates for SOs is lower than for any other category of offence, except murder.

In terms of your family, a guy I knew in prison was convicted of more serious offences and was given several years' prison. As soon as his son turned 18, he couldn't wait to contact his dad. I know each family is different, but don't be giving up hope just yet.

=========================================================================================================

If you are to punish a man retributively you must injure him. If you are to reform him you must improve him. And men are not improved by injuries. (George Bernard Shaw)

I will always have contact with him, its the not able to go far a walk, shops, drive etc
alone with him, really would like to be able to stay the night with him also.
Depending on the media release, i maybe able to stay over at their house,
If im legaly able to or they could come stay with me if im still to be supervised.
So many what ifs and maybes at the moment, part of me wants it to keep going
So i can work and provide for him, other part of me wants it to be over so we
Can all move on how we can and start some sort of routine.

Welcome to the forum. You'll find no judgment, no anger & no negativity here.

Honesty - yes. The community here is a small but relatively close bunch - they won't sugar coat things or belittle the feelings you're going through - but hopefully they will help to give you the confidence to know that there are those of us out there who've had our own terrible experiences of the CJS, and we're always around for a chat and ultimately, unburdening ourselves here can help massively in overcoming and moving past these anxieties and worries it's natural for us to have. Enjoy the community and make as much use of it as you need.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All views, opinions & contributions are my own and do not represent the views of Unlock unless specifically stated.

Thanks ED

Im still waiting for stopso to get back to me, ill call them monday if nothing by then.
My emotions are mainly crying, im upset with myself and scared for the future. 
Not for the conviction as that is what has to happen and will, more for my son and my to be ex wife(i dont know how to get over that either just yet)
At times it still feels like a dream, whilst im working and busy my focus is on that, but as soon as i have down time, even while driving my mind wanders into all the what ifs that are coming, i know this will be what most go through and im not the first, all this stems from 'been a mans man' trying to just get through stuff it will be okay in the end, and now ive lost my family as i knew it, the thing i was scared to talk to my wife about for the same outcome, 

Anyway thank you for your kind words, i wouldnt want anything sugar coated i prefer direct.

Thanks again

Good mornin Kraken
I can totally relate to everything you said. I had a similar situation but my child was much younger.

I took a lot of support from Lucy Faithfull Foundation (LFF), reluctantly to begin with, because I was in denial and saw myself as the victim. I was stupid and needed to stop the self-pity and realise I was only in this position because of my own choices. I took responsibility for my actions and what was about to happen to me, and that helped a lot. What I could not cope with, again genuinely and not with ME as the victim, was the impact this was having on my family and lack of access to my child. My wife was and still is very supportive, although many challenges have tested the relationship.

With the help of LFF I wrote some notes and met family members. My note explained the situation and how I recognised this was huge and problematic. I needed people's love and support. When I read my note to my family members, surprisingly, I got a lot of support at a time when I could not even love myself; how could anyone else even want to associate with me?

The not knowing is the worst! When you know what is happening and what you are dealing with, then you somehow find some ability to cope. When I found the ability to cope I undertook the LFF course, 1:1 though because I was so ashamed of myself and ashamed of what I had done, and I wanted to understand specifically about me and why? Why had I done this? 

There comes a time though where you have to be kind to yourself. I had to end my self-pity, I made some stupid mistakes, but No, I will not let this define Me. Slowly I got educated, recognised and realised all the steps leading up to my offending and realised that I am a better person than that person. I have the ability to make a decision and I chose/choose not to re-offend. 

The future is scary, but there are many people here who can help you with their words. Some kind words, some that appear very harsh, there is no malice in those words, but the hard truth often does scare, but it helps you work towards dealing with things. There is a long road ahead, a road full of not knowing, but it is a journey that you are on and you can only deal with each situation as it arises. 

As others have said, be kind to yourself. Look after yourself. Get the support from those that want to support you, from LFF and others. Everyone in the same position wants to fast forward time and know what the future looks like. The future is not the same as you once thought it was, but you do play a part in defining that future. Yes, many things will be imposed, freedom challenged and may other challenges, but accept it as part of the gift that keeps on giving and remember you can get through this.

Do not try and face it alone. This community has helped me enormously, mostly from reading other peoples stories, but also fro masking specific questions or seeking guidance to a topic.

I wish you well, whatever the future looks like. Things will happen for sure, but there is hope.

Hey Kraken
I saw GoingGood's response to your situation and reading your story reminded me of my own journey - all the downs as well as a few ups too. I appreciate it is 6 months ago since you originally posted and it looks like you have been an active member on the forum since then, but I was interested to hear how you are getting on and if things have become a bit clearer for you? I am a lot further down the road now than I was - all convictions spent, new name etc - and I posted something on here a couple of years back outlining some of the main things I learned and offering some practical advice to others in a similar position. You can read it here: 3 Top Tips to Survive Being a 'Sex Offender'. Whatever happens (or has happened since your original post), maintaining hope is key. Do whatever it takes to nurture this. We can help with that too - Evan and other Forum Members can offer a lot of practical support and advice. Remember, you will come out the other side and will be all the wiser for it. 
RM