It does get better and guess what you are not alone, my offence was nearly 5 years ago now and knock on the door was 6, there are many good things that have come out of this and because of the chance my new employer gave me 3 years ago I have never been happier, it will get better and don't treat you SOR as a ball and chain, you will lose friends the true ones will stick by you, those that don't you don't need, those who sit on moral high horses always have sugar lumps with you. I am not far from Manchester so to me a meet for a coffee is no problem, stay in touch and chin up.

Hi James,

Having been in the same situation it's not a pleasant experience to say the least, I too lost my fiance, my friends, my family, my job, my home, my whole identify and struggled with feelings of despair.

It does get better (kinda) but I'm not the ray of sunshine like some others unfortunately, I still have a nonexistent social life, struggle to make friends or even consider relationships as to not impose my past on someone else, it keeps me safe but it also keeps me lonely.

On a positive note I have one friend who knows about my past, its difficult as they have a busy life but it's nice to be able to go talk to someone once in a while without fear of hiding things, I dread the "where did you use to live/work" enquiries from people but you get akin to being crap at making conversation on that front.

Over the years I have managed to dig myself out of debt, sell my house, tuck away some savings, gain some new qualifications, make a friend, and now I'm looking forward to getting off the SOR.

So it's not all doom and gloom, I have a few hobbies that keep my occupied although still quite isolated truth be told. If you speak to your OM I was able to get private therapy on a weekly basis which I found very helpful dealing with my emotions at the time, I think it was after I did my SOTP though, and after that I spent a year working with circles which was really worthwhile so I'd recommend looking into it.

The one thing I find holds be back is Google, that constant irrational fear that a quick search of my name and wham bahm there's a picture of me etc. Unfortunately that's the lifetime punishment you have to learn to live with... Keep your chin up, there are worse things than loneliness.

Hi,

I'm really struggling at the minute with isolation and loneliness.


Ever since I've been convicted for the download of indecent images of children i'm struggling to maintain a healthy balance of social life.


I spend every day worrying about who I socialise with and how my crime might impact them. I worry about being invited to events that I can't attend, about if I become friends and they have children then I have to disclose. I worry about  where I can socialise, if there could be any issues with my SHPO. I celebrated my birthday last week, and thought about ending my life. I'm really struggling to maintain an even keel, I've given up even looking for work as I see it a waste of time.

I'm in the same boat as James. Did you get any media exposure Corey? I'm so angry, the papers are a law unto themselves.

Hello Dave, no thankfully no media so exposure limited and the court was not in my home town, alas though everyone in my immediate circle knew as I had to give up my job (prison time) so some made up their own stories which actually made a mockery of the true story, I would say that your sentence starts upon release not in prison and it was a good 18 months of taking any job I could before I got a break and I love the job I have now and nothing is ever mentioned, under ROA my sentence spent now, have 5 years left of SOPO and SOR though and intend in September to appeal against my SOPO as it was a bit wishy washy and overlaps what's in the SOR. I seem fortunate in that my PPU are very good to get along with, the past 2 visits they have rang me to ask if I am in, but I hope they can see I am helping myself get back together, relationships are tricky and happy for time being to avoid that elephant, in 5 years now they have looked at my computer once but I never hide anything as have nothing to hide, all I can say is it will get better, slow baby steps but it will, my offer to talk to anyone and offer an ear to listen is genuine and open to anyone.

I'm in the same boat as James. Did you get any media exposure Corey? I'm so angry, the papers are a law unto themselves.

It does get better and guess what you are not alone, my offence was nearly 5 years ago now and knock on the door was 6, there are many good things that have come out of this and because of the chance my new employer gave me 3 years ago I have never been happier, it will get better and don't treat you SOR as a ball and chain, you will lose friends the true ones will stick by you, those that don't you don't need, those who sit on moral high horses always have sugar lumps with you. I am not far from Manchester so to me a meet for a coffee is no problem, stay in touch and chin up.

Hi,

I'm really struggling at the minute with isolation and loneliness.


Ever since I've been convicted for the download of indecent images of children i'm struggling to maintain a healthy balance of social life.


I spend every day worrying about who I socialise with and how my crime might impact them. I worry about being invited to events that I can't attend, about if I become friends and they have children then I have to disclose. I worry about  where I can socialise, if there could be any issues with my SHPO. I celebrated my birthday last week, and thought about ending my life. I'm really struggling to maintain an even keel, I've given up even looking for work as I see it a waste of time.

Hi James,

I'm sorry to hear that, I truly hope you can find strength not to end up back in hospital anytime soon.

I think there are complaint avenues you can go down if your OM is doing something wrong in a professional capacity but proving that is another matter, in all honesty it will probably end with some kind of rebuttal on you for fighting the system etc. My advice, however unpleasant it might be would be to play the game, they have a job to do which essentially means ticking a box so nod and agree and let them have there moment of morar superiority. I found with my OM that the moment he was done with me he'd forgotten my name and was busy with the next merry-go-round. 

You would like to think the objective was to help you but it's really just to 'help" you not reoffend, nothing more. I was once told you have to help yourself, only you can fix yourself, only you can make yourself happy etc. It's probably true which is why it's so difficult.