Hi
Sorry for my slow reply but life's duties seem to have made the days fly past.

I'm not sure what stage in the process you are at now but I hope your family has stayed strong besides you.

Face those that are aggressive towards you with humility but with self belief. Most are trying to protect themselves from blame; however there are some who simply put, should not be undertaking this role. Unfortunately SO's cannot be classed as being discriminated against.

Keep strong in your mind and self belief that you will not commit an offence again, but aware you have committed an offence.



Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
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This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Hi JASB.
Ive read a lot of comments regarding SS pressuring partners to end any relationship,  also a lot of their ideals are personal to the officer and not the organisation as i have seen in dealings with my son, his mother and my sisters.
They felt it important enough to contact 1 pf my sisters initially about my arrest and forgot about the other, but then told the other that things theor side are closed (im to stick to my bail conditions) but didnt notify the other that they first told about my arrest. 
Just not looking forward to when the police are done with their investigation and things start again with SS

Regards 
Kraken 

Hi
I hope things are improving for you.
Re reading the above It came back to mind a couple of gents I met when I was in Whatton; mid 20's/50's. Both their wives were adamant they were "supporting" their husbands. Both told me that the Police and SS when meeting with them - wives - were encouraged to "dump" the partners.
When the response was "NO", they did receive negative remarks etc.

In my mind any "partner" who stands by a "SO" should be supported not only by society.

I hope you are strong for yours.

Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
------------------------------

This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Hi
Never believe you are alone or will always will do so.
Not having a "partner" does not mean you will be a recluse as you will restructure your "life" in a manner that protects yourself.

I'm not sure if you will move or change your name etc but sometimes the "quality" you can gain is beneficial. Yes it can take a while to organize and hurdles to overcome; but a quality of life is important.

Eventually you may meet someone that eventually you feel you can disclose to and they will not react badly. If you do then enjoy that time but do not rush into creating scenarios that will not have the outcome you wish for.

Good luck especially in believing you can have a positive life.

Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
------------------------------

This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Morning

I understand this will not be the end of their involvement. 
It was just frustrating my childs mother was told to massively restrict my contact with my son but then 2/3 weeks later they close the case.
Im not going to go against my bail conditions still, its hard and 3 months in i still have moments of thinking oh i could do this or that with my son, then it comes crashing down and back to reality that no, no i cant.
It was just a surprise that one moment getting told they advise one thing to then dismiss it all(for now).
Still have a long long way before this does come to the next stage, just happy they have backed off for now, there is and wont be any reason for their involvement until im charged.
I agree with you on relationships, i wouldnt get into a relationship with anyone else now due to causing any issues for others, but why that goes against someone is beyond me, i know people do end up with a good relationship eventually but especially while you have to disclose the matter it is not worth the trouble for the people you will love.

Regards

Kraken

Hi
To add to my last I am afraid as far as life going forward it does not get earlier with the SS.

A couple of years back I managed to discharge my SOPO but still on the SOR and now at the 14 year point. Ive always been classed as Low Risk, hardly any visits over the years, and never been required to undertake a sex offenders course.

All sounds good you think.

Earlier this year I had a annual visit and actually told they did not ant to visit me anymore; with caveats of course. that is if I take a lie detector test. I refused as I do not trust these tests and also on the principle that I offered to take one at my arrest and they refused.

Coming to the point of your scenario, I was then told they have to contact SS as my Son has now a child. No matter my concerns they said this is policy. I therefore asked:

 "as you have concerns because I am not in a relationship, mainly due to that at my age they will will have children / grandchildren and would have to declare to the various parents. Can you tell me why you do not understand why I do not think I wish to burden a person(s) with my mistake.

As someone else mentioned, in this age of blame and accusations we are an easy target as society beliefs do not praise us in the same manner they do "drug dealers or those of a violent behavior"!




Society suggests I must let go of all my expectations but I disagree, as whilst I have a voice, I have hope.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.
------------------------------

This forum supports these words, thank you Unlock and your contributors.

Afternoon.

After speaking with my ex/wife today,
She has had an email from social saying there is no requirement for any social contact intervention and the contact will be closed.
They where first contacted by my sons school before the police had chance to contaxt them and it says in the email this is from the contact from the school, would this mean the case involving the police with them is also closed(at least until any conviction i guess)?

Its just confusing as the social worker was only saying i should only have 1 day a week contact at most 'just incase something else came up'.
If this is the case then why are they allowed to work independently using their own ideas to goven something then withing 2 weeks they decide (as a group/meeting) to close the case.

Anyone had anything similar?

Regards
Kraken

I personally know people who have had involvement from a very minor 1 visit thing to kids taken away, as its been said before, it really does feel like they go all out on an easy issue and something more complext say they are aware and looking into it, which they dont no matter how many times it is reported.
Im early into investigation still, and i feel im never going to get to see him properly, luckly his mother is really good and wants what is best for him but i feel we still would have to be carful as even tho she is always there with us they look at it as well you might not be and she will be seen as a bad mother and i dont want him taken away but i cant go without seeing him just once a week either as i feel that would go from a day a week eventually to an hour, just no consideration for how how much he loves the time we spend together and its nothing fantstic, just playing, reading or amking something at his home.
Its really got to me emotionally what they have said but ive done nothing contact wise or to do with family either as yourself, my bail conditions are to not stay overnight in a property where under 16s are sleeping or to be unsupervised with under 16s, as much as i disagree where my son is concerned i understand and will follow the conditions but to not see him but once a week 'just incase something else comes up'.
Sorry i just had to rant about it as its working me up inside emotionally and dont know what to do for the best for everyone.

Regards
Kraken

As bad as it sounds, I have kind of took a step back from my own kids. It seems every time when things get good, bonding well with them, seeing them more frequently. The social get involved and restrict my access more and more. I just can not take it anymore.
Kids mother has been a concern to the social not just because of myself, but because of her priorities to her bf over our kids. And it pains me that my own kids can not speak to me directly about issues they are having with her and her bf. Contact all gets supervised by the Grand mother and she just will not stop interrupting when my kids are trying to explain things, its like she tells them what to say, getting very irritated wanting things her way. I keep the peace but sometimes I just want to tell her to STFU!!
I have been meaning to challenge the social, given my offense was never contact related, especially towards family or in a position of trust. Restricting access would in theory be an infringement. But it is having to go through the family courts and having the money to pay for my legal rights to family life. I could of course represent myself, if I do my homework. But no doubt the social will have duty solicitor on hand who knows all the tricks in the book.
One thing I am certain of, I think I would get the Grandmothers backing if I did go ahead with it.

At the end of the day, when it comes to the social. One thing has always been clear to me, they are protecting themselves over everyone else. Basing everything on pieces of paper rather than actually getting all the facts.
They stopped my own mother and sister from taking my kids out on their own for days out, all because they suspected I was meeting up with them on one particular day which was not true. My sister offered CCTV as evidence but the social would not accept it, because of this my mother and sister have been denied access to them for years.

Morning 

So had a chat with my sons mum, she had a call the other day from social.
She didnt seem happy that im seeing him (while his mum is there) too often.
Said it should be once a week, because if anything else comes to light(safeguarding on their part i know) it would look bad.
They dont keep in touch with the police or anybody but a chulds guardian and also look to the worst, just feels like as things are feeling a little better you get shot back down further than you was.
(I know im not) but if i was to walk away free from all this i feel like they would still hinder my involvement with my son, no compassion from them for anyone involved in the situation thats going on.

Regards 
Kraken