Hi
One surprise visit on me happened when a female friend was at my home. They questioned her on what she knew, did we have an intimate relationship and her thoughts on my offence.

She just answered the questions she was comfortable with and supported me i.e. she knew and respected my honesty towards her.

Just be aware they will be wanting to look at the bigger picture e.g. are you declaring or trying to hide things from your friend or them? I would have a chat with your friend and advise them they do not have to answer if it breaks their privacy boundaries, they should just question why they are being asked the question if it is not in relation to you! They should focus on being honest and expressing their support in their interactions with you only. They do not have to disclose details about themselves in depth.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.

I had a friend stay with me during the covid period, I told him about what was going on with me very early on though before any court appearance. If he found out through the media I doubt we would still be friends now. When my PPU turned up to do his visits there has been a few times my friend has been here also. Sometimes he would just go in another room to keep out the way, others he would leave to go see someone else for a little till he leaves. The times he stayed the PPU were asking him questions trying to dig info out of him, like names, where he lives, where he works... As far as I am concerned, he has no right to be asking him questions, nor is he obligated to answer them.

If your PPU tries digging to deep with your friend, just remind your PPU that he is there for you, not your friend. And your friend does not have to answer any questions, on future visits it probably would be best your friend not be there while they search and question you.

It’s now been disclosed. They haven’t left. A bit distant and had brief chats about it so have to see how it goes. OM has spoken to them and will meet on next visit. I worried now they might do the same and try to convince them to not be my friend. Does anyone have any experience being on a shpo living with someone? I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my friend in on visits while PPU going through my devices and asking personal questions. Also don’t want my friend going through stress because of my risk management.

You're right JASB. It would be kind of ironic, after all Mo22 has done to help their friend to stay, if they now decided to leave after all, because of the disclosure.

Hi
I do feel for you in this situation as I have been in a simular scenario. My friend remained loyal and was glad for my honesty.

Two things,
One: you are helping them by the sounds of it by providing a roof / shelter and security for them. Some will not recognise that kindness and always think you have an agenda.
Two: 
In the end you must put aside your thoughts on the rights and wrongs of the PPU as unless you have some form of action you can take to support your case it is out of your control so stressing you. Sounds harse but you have to think of your own "welbeing" and if that means discloseing then so be it.
They will either remain a friend or not; only then will you know if they are willing to stand by you like you have done for them in their hour of need.

I hope you make the right decission that is best for you in the long run..

I remember a saying I once heard 

a secret is like a zombie, it never dies and alway comes back to bite you.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.

That’s terrible. They really want people isolated I wonder why🤔🤔🤔. The cheek of them to say that after you already disclosed.

Yes I don’t have children or access to children not do they. They know this already. Yes from friendship prospective it should be me but it should be my choice to disclose as theres no children involved or vulnerable adults. I explained this not just average disclosure many shun upon this type of offence.

Yes they just using this for their own sake. They tried to use my friend and ask me to think of their point of view but they don’t care about either of us. Again it should be my choice and if I did morally it be in my own time with my friend. I asked what if goes wrong and they tell people they said they could get to sign a declaration not to pass this information on but it sounded like only if we tell your friend so if I did they won’t need to sign anything.

I’m forced to now either way. If my friend decides to stay and work it out what happens next will they be expected to be in on ppu vists etc because they staying with me. I’m dreading this whole thing. Either way.

They are not putting you in a very good position, it is wrong, immoral, and simply a huge abuse of the power they have. If your friend has no children, no access to children. You do not, and should not be forced to disclose. This is simply a method they use in order to share information with out getting in to trouble, they are looking out for their own best interests... not yours.

Now, that being said. Think about the situation this way. If it was you in your friends shoes, would you be more angry the fact the Police informed you than being told directly?

If you are being forced to inform your friend, it is far better coming from you than the Police. If you know someone else who knows of your conviction and continues to support you, have them there when you tell your friend.
Start of by saying there is something important you must talk about, explain why you have been unable to tell friend sooner. Because of fear, doubt, anxious, embarrassment. Then explain you are being forced to inform friend of this before it comes from someone else. Then proceed with your disclosure, only down side is there is a chance police will still want a word to confirm you made the disclosure. In which case, if they inform your friend of something you did not.... might not go down well.

I was forced to disclose to someone who needed some DIY help, she had no kids under 18, insisted that I disclose to her the same day I informed probation of my plans to help out. She took it well and we are still talking after 4 years. What annoyed us both was the fact both my PPU and probation officer insisted they must visit my friend to "have a word". My PPU was livid with me for being there, but my probation officer said I could be there.

They sat her down, basically did everything they could to try and convince her not to let me help or even become my friend. She was far from impressed and was considering making complaints, but in the end it just is not worth it.

I can’t tell them to go. It’s not possible for them to leave at the moment. By next week deadline. Do you know what happens next after the disclosure is made.

There isn't anything you can do, I'm afraid. If they are determined to disclose, then nothing will stop them. Have they given you a deadline?

Tell your friend they have to leave, but make sure you complain to the officers superiors. They are keeping you socially isolated and that is stopping you from being rehabilitated.

Hi guys I’ve been told it’s me or them I have to decide who going to tell my friend. They really upset me and don’t care what might happen. Saying because I’m registered sex offender I basically have no choice in the matter because they staying with me. I’m very distress I don’t know what to do.