Hi
By reading the replies you can now tick the "box" that says create a "support group". 



Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.

Hey,

Thanks for your responses. I’m only on my iPad so much harder for me to type everything out it feels!

Khafka - a really nice detailed post of everything you’ve experienced through the course of the year. My experience is more or less the same so far although plenty different in cases. As for what will happen in future, I will refer back to what you’ve written out and keep in mind on anything I should be looking out for.
As for getting on with things, I am just struggling and I am not even able to “continue with life as normal”. I am just overwhelmed with guilt. My family are supportive but I much rather not have that support and for me to be in four walls somewhere else. I even rather move out and be in a different place.
I feel I honestly much prefer to be in prison and confess to more than what they will find (as this is what I deserve and probably on basis on what I’ve done I should go to prison and rather be in there now - my prison bag is 95% packed I would say). I’ve been reading through your other posts (you’ve got 3 year order?). I feel like I’m facing a 10year or more order (all my fault though) and road to recovery will be much more difficult. Really hope you get the job.

My outlet for me right now is this website, indecent news and suicides website. All three makes me feel much calmer as weird as it is even though it is not the right things to be doing, I can’t take my mind off of it.

Was - things does feel like the end of the world! Absolutely. I can’t recall if mine ever gave me any advice!

Jasb - It is really hard to believe in myself anymore really. I’ve done a lot of damage, really have. I agree that I should be refraining from reading the news but I’m just placing myself in the right mind of what charges and prison terms I could face. It is just so wide ranging. I can’t do anything else as it reminds me of the life I’ve basically thrown away. Really have.

I’ve deleted my social media and will be hard to find me. There are some photos left on Google, no idea how I am meant to get rid of peakyou and radaris stuff!

It is really strange. I’ve done wrong but I’m still free to do anything legally speaking.

Thanks xdanx - we will see what is uncovered. I deserve the brunt of the law. I just rather be homeless too after prison!

Thanks for the support though. I hope I see more people using this forum. Slightly tricky to find!

Hi
To be blunt you are "looking the wrong way!" so yes you will feel your life is over BUT it is not.
Read again my words about "guilt and shame", think about them AND use google to research the meaning behind them and not websites about suicides and indecent news. That is an instant progression away from your current focus.

At first i thought I was asleep, dreaming it all. However like your thoughts and those rubbish TV shows you suddenly get addicted to, it was just a path of "escapism" denying reality. A first step to "rehabilitation" is to accept your reality which is the present. Tomorrow is a future "present" and only you can make it a different "present".

The individuals you are talking to here are examples that the "present" they found themselves in can be a different "present" tomorrow. 

There are many in the world that have not committed an offence and are worse off than me

When you get a negative thought think on those words.

Re photos. I say this in the hope I am not putting a curse on me but the "media" did not  publish a photo of me as the Police did not provide one. Also every time I went to Court I wore a suit and followed a simple process:
Standing away from the Court I searched for any "photographer". This was easy as they just stand there with the camera snapping away. 
Next you approach them from behind and walk past and into the Court with your back to them. On the way out of Court do not rush out of the doors but stop to  look to see if they are still there. If you cannot see them or even if you can, try and join the back of others looking like you work there.
Obviously many things may stop the scenario BUT focusing on that will take the nerves away and hopefully lessen the chances of them getting a photo of you that way.

Prison life is hard, not what you see in films or TV shows but it is what you make it; my tours in Northern Ireland in the '70's and other trouble spots of the world allowed me to frequent less desirable establishments believe me. I made it an adventure, a lesson in self learning, and importantly learning the true aspects of "society" e.g. living outside my minuscule and apparently privileged world!.

Maintain the "no hope" path of thought and the friends you will make inside will and outside of prison will probably take you further down the path you do not want to journey.

You are still fortunate enough to be alive and hopefully will live a long and healthy life. There are many things you can still do or as my career officer said 50 years ago

Finally and hopefully to end with a smile, remember as a child you were probably ill or had toothache for the first time and you thought "it is too painful, my life is over"!
Your still here aren't you? 

  





Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.

When it comes to sentencing, no one can say with certainty what will happen, but bear in mind that 73% of people convicted for image offences, DON'T go to prison. 
The most common outcomes, are either a 2 year suspended sentence, or a 3 year community order. 

If the images are category C only, then it will not even go to crown court, it will be dealt with by the magistrates. The most important factor that they will take into consideration, is what has the person done to rehabilitate themselves? Do they accept that they need help and what have they done to get help?

The Lucy Faithful programme is what most people do. Either face to face, if you can afford it, or online, if you can't. 

As for dealing with suicidal thoughts, there are many organisations that will be able to help you. e.g. MIND, CALM, Samaritans. Having been on various website forums for depression and suicide myself, I think that all they do, is drag you down further into depression. There are no solutions to be found there.

I think it's a triable either way offence. My offence was for category C images and I still ended up in a Crown Court.

Hi
I think this just shows that it all comes down to the CPS and Court's policy on anything to do with SOs; no matter the details of the offence. 

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.

Given it has been a few days now, I just wanted to check on how you are doing?

I hope you are well and are managing to find ways to continue with your life as normal as possible. Between the time I was arrested and eventually sentenced (9 month gap) my life was actually improving, although stressing that my computer was taken and I was unable to play all the games I enjoyed playing. This was actually a blessing as I was heavily addicted to the internet and pornography. I managed to find ways to get myself out my home and socialize more with friends and even make new friends. I made some of those friends aware of my situation in time and those closest to me have stuck by me. As I said in my earlier post, the more you do now to improve up on yourself and have it documented will greatly benefit you in future. Unfortunately for me, all my progress was tarnished after sentencing as my case was reported on locally. Although my solicitors claimed they were my "best friends" they did absolutely nothing to challenge the SHPO given to me so I would choose your solicitor wisely. I was looking around online and I found this which may be of help and should be easier to read and understand regarding the rights and wrongs of a SHPO https://www.indecentimageslaw.co.uk/sexual-harm-prevention-order-shpo I offer this information in the hopes that should you indeed be given a SHPO that it does not get abused with unjustified prohibitions. Perhaps get in touch with the firm who may be able to assist you.

I understand fully you feel as though you deserve the "full brunt of the law", you do not. What you deserve is a second chance and time to understand your mistakes and to learn from them, after all is that not life's biggest lesson? Feeling the guilt is natural but do not let the police use it against you like they did to me.

Be safe and once again, I hope you are well

well worded.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope is for tomorrow else what is left if you remove a mans hope.

Hi xdanx,

Ta for checking in. The past few days have been okish. More or less I’m still struggling but mentally in a better shape. Waking up in the mornings are the worse. I just go, here we go, another day. I can’t focus on anything really and attention span is short. This was happening in the lead up to the ‘knock’ anyway.
There’s so many things going through my mind still. I’m not going to say that I’m seeing an improvement in my life - I’m looking on this forum gaining understanding. My legs has much less strength than it once had in the past!

I do feel like I deserve the full brunt of the law whatever that law will be! I’m still looking up on news of other offenders in similar position as me. There are a couple or few which are of interest in the news which looks like in a similar position. I feel pretty certain that I am looking at a custodial sentence. As such, I’ve got my bag packed.

The detective inspector came round the other day returning my devices apart from the incriminating device. I am not really in the mood to ever use those devices which has been returned again though. DI says it will be ‘months’ with the investigation. It’s been two months so far.

I’m finding it hard when I have to tell the one other friend who have been checking up on me of late and how I am doing.

I am certainly aware of the long term impact this will have. I am making firm plans on moving away as I currently live with my parents. The move will be quite far away. I do not want to impact my parents life. I do have their support and I do think this is absolutely the right decision seeing life will be impacted for the next 5-10years at least. I know I will have the option of moving back in time but for now this is a world away. Moving also means I will have to get my arse up and go and have to do regular daily things, plus having somewhere to live over the long term. It’s all the SHPO and the issues this will cause in time too.

I have looked and may plan on doing one of the LFF courses, there may well be communication issues which will need to be sorted. I wouldn’t have been able to immediately go into this course 1 month ago. Time was needed to get my brain into the right mindset after what I’ve been through the past couple months - however I am now always baring in mind that all those victims have been through this since the abuse they’ve faced - and that my experiences pales in comparison to them.

I won’t be looking at a good life but I have in mind that the life I had with the porn wasn’t good anyway. I think prison will be the hardest thing to overcome first. The solicitors I have are “specialist” so certainly hope this is good enough.

For me right now, it is making plans and moving forward.

What you actually deserve is a fair application of the law. Don't put yourself at a disadvantage.

I was so relieved when they removed the Cat A and B offences from my charges, that I made no objection to the Cat C offences still standing. I don't think that there was anything even with them that would have stood up to scrutiny, but I was never given the chance to see them to rebut the accusation.

I was, however, guilty of what I thought was "personal reckless behaviour" and it was that that led me to plead guilty. I do not regret my decision as it was the right one with the information I had at the time, but in retrospect I probably should have challenged further.

Now, I don't know your specific circumstances, so I will not speculate. But in hindsight with the course and probation I know how I got there. At this point, you probably have only your own thoughts, not those of professionals.

And don't take what the police say at face value. They can lie to you in face to face conversations. I know mine did prior and post conviction. As I said to my probation officer, probation's job is to stop me reoffending and they are judged on that. The police's job was to catch me out on a technicality so they can improve their stats.