I've been there.
I have wanted to die and been far too close to doing something about it far too many times for my own liking. For me, my struggle was with accepting my conviction - I had not done almost all I was convicted off. I lost my career, everything I had studied for up to that point became useless, I was publicly humiliated in the press and I lost almost all my friends (to be fair, I cut ties with them).
Firstly - death is not the answer. All that will do is call more hurt and pain. If you are seriously looking at this as a way out you need to talk to your GP or call the Samaritans.
I struggled with 'signing on'. Every time I went to the Job Centre I lost a little of the dignity I still had.
about a year ago I got the most menial, manual and sole destroying job you could imagine but I was earning. I was going somewhere every day and socialising with people. My mental health improved greatly. about 5 months ago I had a major mental 'wobble' - this was down to me realising I had very few friends. I dealt with this by joining a running club - I really enjoy it and like the people that go. Since getting my job, I have been promoted 3 times within a year - simply from management recognising my skills and aptitude. OK my wage isn't good, but I have went from minimum wage to £18-£20k per year
OK, my life is far from as good as it was pre-conviction, but it is so much better than it was a year ago.
My suggestions for anyone in similar situations would be: 1. Change your name if your conviction was reported 2. Rip up your CV and create a very basic, dumbed down version 3. Apply for entry level, manual work with no responsibility and minimal IT contact (less chance of background checks) 4. Work hard and make your way up from the bottom 5. Look at your life and improve it - join clubs, go to evening classes etc. 6. Find something that makes you happy (and is legal!) - for me it was old BBC comedy DVD's
Oh, and if a company asks about your criminal record, have something prepared and written down in a sealed envelope. Mark it Private and Confidential and 'To be opened on likely offer of a job'. I use to do this as i knew that any job offer would be revoked if they knew.
OH and BE HAPPY!
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